Between excitement and apprehension – By @charlenethblt
By Charlène Thibault
Between excitement and apprehension
Since July, when I learned that I joined SCA, my feelings were completely turned upside down like roller coasters. I was constantly between excitement and apprehension. The excitement of new habits, a new life, new friends, and the apprehension of leaving my family, my friends, my country.
Excitation: I relied on my facilities for much of my schooling, working a minimum to get correct grades. I have always heard people say that they had a “revelation,” something that made them change, whether intellectually or physically. I always wondered what this revelation could look like and what it could make us feel.
I ended up having my revelation, during an internship that I did two years ago for my studies. But it sucked, I don’t know what was the trigger, it was not something short and intense as I imagined, I don’t remember even more actually. But I arrived in September, motivated as ever, and I skyrocketed in the class ranking. Since this internship I have changed my way of thinking, I feel ready and motivated for this new year.
The excitement also comes from the fact that I love getting out of my comfort zone, always questioning myself, and increasing my openness; and I hope that these next months at SCA will bring me this by pushing me to my limits.
The apprehension comes from the fact that I had a very intense year: I prepared and passed my end-of-year exam for my license, I had to do an internship search that brought me several disappointments, and I did a 3 month internship that was very intense too, where I worked a lot, where I sometimes found myself without idea, as if my brain was blocked. It is a little exhausted that I arrive at the SCA without having rested a week this year. But the motivation will probably take over fatigue.
I arrived last night, after 10 hours of travel, where I had even more time to get scared. I arrived in St Pancras with the ball in the stomach, which was immediately dissipated after a ride in Uber to join my airbnb, where I got a glimpse of London and of its atmosphere; this is where the excitement has taken over.