Cough cough hiccup – By @bellwoodart

By Elle Bellwood


Cough cough hiccup 


We’ve all daydreamed about what it would be like to be a multimillion pound selling music artist. 

Would I be a solo artist or in a band? 

Would I sing, MC or play a musical instrument? What TYPE of music would I make? 

So in this fabulous SCAB I am going to predict what everyone in the current cohort would do. 

Aaron: I feel he is like the yodelling kid, super cute and deserves to be protected at all costs. 

Alex: Bass line DJ who also MCs. Performs at all fresher weeks, with loads of screaming 18 year old girls after him (just how he likes it). 

Alfie: Scream emo music. Loud and niche. 

Alice would be like Florence and the Machine. No one really understands what type of music it is but it always bangs. 

Bastien: Love making music. Slow and sensual. 

Carly: Natasha Bedingfield style. Brings out utter tunes but keeps its super classy. 

Charles: Fine classical music you would have during a high class wine tasting session. 

Chris: West-Midlands inspired Dubstep. Brummie ’n’ Bass. 

Chloe: Would give Jorja Smith a run for her money HONEY. 

DJ: …says it all. 

Dean: Holistic acid trip techno. There’s a time and a place for it. 

David: It’s David Bitch. Takes on Britney. 

Elle (me): I would form a girl group. Read on to find out more. 

Elisa just reminds me so much of Sigrid, so I feel she would have her upbeat, care free style. 

Ellie is the lead vocalist of a band and the rest of the members are men. Everyone knows her name and not the other members. Go on girl. 

Eva would be the first girl I would recruit into my secret girl band. The Dutch girl everyone wants a piece of, her vocals are the best in the group. Read on to find out more. 

Gigi: The girl who makes musical theatre cool, would use her tap shoes as a musical instrument. 

Holly: This northern girl would sing like Amy Winehouse, matching with their thick, black, curly hair. 

Isabelle: Taylor Swift, but not the innocent, early Taylor, the fiesty one that came later and has no time for haters. 

Ivan: Move over Lady Gaga. 

Jay would be apart of a boy band. He would be known for his sick dance skills and being able to hit the high notes. Read on to find out more. 

Katie: (so sorry Katie) Would reproduce and resing famous songs to make them age appropriate for children. 

Lawrence is the second member of the boy band. All the ladies love him. Would be the one to sneak off for a solo career because he’s just too cool. Read on to find out more. 

Marley is Leona Lewis. 

Munraj would be some underground rapper who keeps his identity hush hush. 

Oliver: EDM. The 5th Member of Swedish House Mafia. But is French. 

Phillip is the third member of the boy band. Can’t actually sing that well and should have just been a model, is there to make the band look pretty. Read on to find out more. 

Pierre is plays both members of Daft Punk. 

Rachael is the female answer to George the Poet. Doesn’t need a backing track to make her sound good and is a wizard with words. 

Sam: The final member of the boy band. He’s the Harry Styles of the group, some people love him, some people hate him. 

Scarlet is the final member of the girl band. She brings money and class to the group. As a three we will be the new Sugababes. 

Sean: Irish country folk meets supercharged left-wing political protest band. 

Rolly is a one woman band. Sings, dances and plays all the instruments at the same time. 

Tommy would be South London’s answer to Lewis Capaldi. His songs would be extremely emotional and would use his fame to date loads of girls. 

Thank you very much. Bellwood X 

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