Doing drugs at work – By @Madstandish

By Maddy Standish


Doing drugs at work


Hey, kids, Last night I went to bed with the shocking realisation that in two weeks we have our first portfolio day. It’s very spooky. But also exciting. We’ve done a lot of work in anticipation for this life-changing, bone-shaking, ego-crushing event. That’s why I’ve been turning up every day (on time, might I add) for the last 10 months. 


We have seen this coming the whole time. Marc has literally broken the countdown into weeks, days and minutes. There has been literally no point where we haven’t been reminded about sure passing of time. Portfolio day has been as imminent as death. 


It’s important to understand that this is only the beginning and we won’t burst into flames if it doesn’t go how we pictured it. There’s countless stories from alumni about mismatched partners and last-minute breakdowns. As long as you work hard, it’ll work out.


You can feel it in the studio today. There was a telling off from Marc this morning but I think it’s just crunch time with stress. Super quiet and seemingly empty. The mentors have reported on a lot of negative vibes.


I’ve actually been in quite a jammy mood. When there’s a lot of stuff going on and I’m feeling the stress, it does not take much to push me over the edge. At all. But all day I’ve been a non-stop vibe train, no more destination procrastination. Straight up getting shit done.


I went to a long overdue appointment yesterday and got formally diagnosed with ADHD. It’s not at all surprising or a new thing but it is finally getting dealt with. I’ve had a history of psychiatric problems which have now been resolved and that’s why it was never picked up on. I hated school and never did any work. I’ve been to more schools than people have jobs. But the issues overarching were mental health not that there may be an obvious underlying issue. 


I’m happy to be making moves now because, honestly, the stress, coping, management etc was getting too damn difficult and making the last few weeks totally hellish.


While I believe it may be part placebo, I definitely think medication has made a tangible difference today. I’ve actually been very anti-medication in the past, for various reasons but this seemed like the right thing at the right time. It’s been picked up on by multiple people. I’m in a better mood, I’ve been a lot more focussed and considered with my time. I’ve not hit the ceiling and lost my mind when there’s been bumps in the road. It couldn’t come at a better time. I feel actually relaxed but in the best way. 


There’s 2-3 weeks until we finish and I don’t feel strongly about it. I don’t feel unable to sleep because of sheer panic or under motivated out of fear. I feel just right. Just gotta do the work and it’ll all be gravy. 

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