Foggy weather

I feel stressed.

Big decisions are coming and I am mentally lost when the future is blurry. I start becoming unpleasant and I tend to overreact to everything, which is obviously not a good way to act. Fortunately, I’ve learned in the past how to manage it and especially not acting bad with people I care about. I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to reach my professional ambitions and I feel like I’ve never been this close to get there.

I don’t expect my life to be planned and I like not knowing where and with who I will be in two, five, ten years. I like to think that nothing is written and that opportunities are everywhere. You just have to take them. But I still need to know what is going to happen in the near future just to be sure that I will take hold of the best choices at the right moment. Because opportunity is also now here. And when I say here, I mean at SCA.

So there is a lot of fog in my eyes right know. Everything is going to happen fast, and I don’t really have time to ask myself much questions. But I also don’t want to make decisions too fast, so basically even if I shouldn’t, I spend all my time thinking and thinking, looking for answers, not finding them and thinking again. As Ollie said to us before half term, a plan can work only if you have a good strategy, so I just try to figure out what should I do and when will be the best moment to do it. I also know that I must dare and go for it because doubting too much can stop us when it comes to acting.

I am not doubting about my decision to try to stay at SCA, but about if it is gonna be possible, if Marc will give me that chance (or rather if I will be able take that chance…) and if it worth it to spend another 11 000 euros on it. Meeting alumni during half term really comforted me in the idea that it is the best that I can do to reach my goals and build the career I really, truly, deeply, want. Indeed, it was really inspiring and impressive to see that those who were sitting in the SCA studio’s sofas one or two years ago are now beaming in amazing jobs, in amazing places, living their best life. I didn’t felt jealousy, I rather saw it as a challenge. What do I have to do now to be like that in the future ?

I will find it, I will do it 🙂