By Dean Shein

 

Health comes first.

 

86 days ago I went to the ADHD clinic to sort out my health. 

 

And it still isn’t sorted yet. 

 

I’ve been delaying the most vital thing for so long. 

 

Why?

 

When I took this medication back when I was around 15, I didn’t like the fact that it supressed my appetite. (Coffee does the same on a minor scale.) Solid meals and lots of water during the days at SCA are essential. My energy depletes quickly. Even snacks between meals are a must. So, not feeling hungry is not something I wanted to consider. However, I feel like I’ve been stressing for the wrong reasons. Rather than just trialling the medication again and seeing how I feel, I’ve just kept delaying it. 

 

I’ve been back at SCA for two weeks now. The first few days felt weird. You know that feeling when everything is new? Your first time on a rollercoaster? I didn’t feel that. It was a bit of a downer. But, over the last few days, I’m quickly realising again why this place is a cauldron of joy. I’ve also done a bit of thinking. I’m here, a part of the new intake because I failed to deliver. 

 

During the life drawing session, I was struggling to concentrate. It was because I hadn’t eaten. I’d raced out to get some jerk chicken and arrived back 3 minutes late. No time for tea, or mindfulness for that matter. During the break I scoffed it all down. And thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the session. But, by the end it still became hard to concentrate. I also left my lunchbox in the room and forgot to clean it. What a mess!

 

Working on our music video, there were times where I had nothing left. I tried to push through, but I simply couldn’t concentrate for much longer. At one stage I was laying on the floor while Ivan shot and directed our film with Rolly and Maeva.

 

I forgot how deliciously draining each day is. 

 

Even through I’m 86 days late, and that’s really pathetic at the end of the day, as Marc always says, it’s about how you see things. 

 

We are going into week 4, it’s early days, and so it’s time, once and for all, to bite the bullet. 

 

I’m older now, my body is different, my brain is different, the drugs are different. I am different. It makes sense to just give it a shot. Fuck it. Let’s just trial the thing and see. It’s not even going to be Ritalin. According to the Doctor this innovative tablet I’ll be taking is more of a slow burner. It lasts 24 hours and apparently its less jolty when it’s effects arrive and leave.

 

Who knows? The important thing is to find out for myself.

 

 

On a side note, I’d like to give a shout out to DJ, I’ve never experienced a more bureaucratic process to obtain my medication. Blood tests, Urine tests, home drug tests, ECG’s, A Heart sounds analysis. They seemed to forget that I have ADHD. Completing tasks is difficult. Bruv!

 

 

But the time has come. Every bone in my body is saying… Just Do It. 

 

On October 7 at 2pm I’ll be heading to get my medication Marc.

 

Because as you said to me in our meeting, in July, if I have to put some chemicals inside my brain so I can help myself become the best me, it doesn’t change a thing.

 

 

Hopefully the results will be ‘Limitless’.