Dear Google, 

Please let me explain my search history.

You see as part of my experience at SCA, it’s my job to come up with ideas and these ideas don’t always come easy. They require lots of research in the chase for a golden insight. This is where you come in, my faithful trustee of information (so don’t screw me with fake news pal… I’m counting on you!), so with that, I hand type you my thoughts on a silver platter. You’re welcome by the way, that is if you can make sense of them *insert chuckle*. 

Obviously, with new briefs set and lots of work due, my search bar takes me down some interesting rabbit holes. Whilst most of them are dead ends, I apologise for upsetting your algorithm when asking the question hundreds of different ways. Or even worse asking the same question a hundred times. Thankfully you are a computer and can’t suffer migraines. Without context, I assume my searches must make you think I’m a complete weirdo, searching random things at random hours, but admittedly you’re very good at giving logical answers to my sleep-deprived illogicalness.

On the other hand, you might have the function that recognises creative curiosity, which in that case you’d be correct. Creativity goes much deeper than your engine Google, even if you think you hold all the results. It’s this human emotion (not to rub it in) where we use all of our senses and experiences to create an original expression of an idea. However, this process requires a skill of seeing things unsystematically and sometimes that leads to searches differing from cats riding shotgun in a Ferrari to Slipknot in church attire. 

I do understand you are more than capable of detecting that I can open up new tabs and type something more whacky than the average human can process, but that’s part of the job. This is why I’ve got a bone to pick with you because I’m also aware you believe I’m part robotic, however, I must confess… I’m not. In fact, I have a birth certificate that can prove I’m 100% human. It could be cool if I was, but we can hash that out at a later date. 

Anyway, I was honoured when you needed my authentication to prove this, but I must admit I’m tired of selecting the traffic lights and solving old Oxford letters in the dictionary. Either jazz up the puzzles and keep it interesting or jog on! Without being a “Karen” about it, but really, if I have to highlight another crosswalk, I’ll simply cross over to Bing at the cost of jaywalking. 

So please release me from these digital shackles of constant human verification, and just accept my search history confession even if it was long-winded. I have work to do and deadlines to meet, and whilst this has been fun, it’s got to stop! 

Yours truly,

Euan (Not a robot) 

@euan_whatarmy