Isolation Do & Don’ts – By @oliverdfinel
Isolation Do & Don’ts:
Do download Houseparty. The virus managed to bring this app back to life. And it’s LIT. Well done Coronita.
Do watch the leaves grow on trees. I’ve been doing it everyday. I even befriended the pigeon who made the tree by my window, his home. He’s grey and looks like your run of the mill pigeon. But he’s my pigeon for the next 6 weeks.
Do wear the same clothes everyday. Keep 95% of your closet fresh for the post-isolation parties.
Do Drink wine . You’ll become a self-taught sommelier. Also alcohol makes time go faster. And it’s fun.
Don’t learn how to make a proper salad. Feast everyday.
Do put on weight. You’ll stop wasting money on belts.
Don’t use Zoom Virtual Backgrounds. That was cool during Week 1.
Don’t Wear Pants
Don’t wear socks.
Do keep ignoring Whatsapps and emails. Isolation is also a time to take a digital break.
Do sneeze in close proximity to healthy people. They probably need a reality check.
Don’t escape to the country side.
Do wear hats indoors. You never know…
Don’t learn a new skill. Keep doing you.
Do water your house plants.
Don’t buy basil. And certainly don’t start growing it.
Do buy rosemary. Rosemary is good.
Don’t start live-streaming every second of your life.
Do explore the dark corners of YouTube.
Do watch all the terrible shows and films on Netflix. Someone has to.
Do scam Adobe for a free 3 months.
Don’t pay rent.
Don’t pay any bills.
Do get an American citizenship to claim your fee TrumpBucks
Do get your hands on every bottle of hand sanitiser you can. It’s a jungle out there.
Do engage in Disaster Capitalism. It’s the best kind of capitalism.
Do order 10k face masks from China.
Do read the news every single minute of the day. It’s good for you I promise.
Don’t learn a new language. Duolingo is a scam.
Do read the COVID-19 update emails from random companies
Do clean up your spam folders.
Don’t open any mail. I’ll explain later.
Do pick up a nasty habit. Picking your nose, letting your nails grow, Heroin… Have fun!
Do buy from your local dealer. They’re people too!
Do get a VPN. More content and you’ll feel like a badass.
Do move your couch around. Then start calling yourself an interior designer.
Don’t engage in online gambling.
Do engage in online gambing.
Do trick yourself into thinking all of this will be over soon.
Don’t eat endives without washing them. I found a worm in mine.
Do make a tasty mustard vinagrette.
Do not use it on a salad.
Don’t think about the summer days. It’s not happening.
Do keep ordering random stuff on Amazon.
Do start random conversations with people you have spoken to in years.
Don’t mention the HantaVirus outbreak.
Don’t do food delivery.
Do clean up your house. Or Don’t. I don’t care.
– Don’t catch the virus… if you can.