By Lucy Pennock

 

Lucy White Pencil

 

You may have read a few SCABs by none other than comic genius Dan Burkitt. 

 

Bearded, mustard jumper wearing, white privileged male by day; underrated stand-up legend by night. That’s Dan. 

 

Or as he likes to call himself – ‘Big Johnny Black Pencil.’ 

 

You see Dan is pretty talented and funny but then again…so am I. 

 

Like, I’m amazing. 

 

And it’s about time people started realising it and giving me credit for it.  

 

People in school have started calling me ‘Lucy White Pencil’ and it’s starting to rub off on my ego. 

 

I like totally love making the world a better place through the power of creativity. 

 

Like that’s my brand. Purpose, purpose, PURPOSE. 

 

I go to bed every night thinking about plastic, endangered animals and refugees. 

 

Like guys, what’s our big mission? 

 

What are doing here if we’re not curing childhood obesity?! 

 

It’s not called advertising it’s called changing the f**king world. 

 

But you know, it’s hard because even though I’ll probably end up winning the Nobel Peace Prize some day, all I wanna be is funny like Dan.

 

White doesn’t suit my complexion. I’m pale enough as it is. 

 

I just wish I could make people laugh like Dan does. He’s so witty. 

 

I cracked a joke once and made two people laugh and it felt really good. 

 

Like better than trying to save people’s lives. 

 

I’m sick of coming up with amazing, world-changing ideas all the time.  

 

It’s tiring being a really good person.

 

I just wanna make people laugh and change the world. Is that too much to ask? 

 

Bow down before me cos I’m your Goddess. A creative sorceress. 

 

I’ll cast spells on your brand if it’s killing us and our planet. 

 

I’m Mother Theresa in Tina Fey’s body. 

 

I am your Queen. 

 

Yours ever so sincerely, 

 

Lucy White Pencil x