Me time.

What I have realised only quite recently is that people everyone cares to a point. And that is only fair enough. We can’t just rant about every little thing that pops into our head and expect our friends and loved ones to care. You have to respect people’s time more as well as your own. I think partly my problem with this is my need to work out things by talking them through. But this is an extremely important strength to have in all walks of life. Anyway, my point is that SCABs are that time. This is the time to solve things on your own. I mainly base that on the assumption that no one reads SCABs because quite frankly why would you? The amateur rambles of misfits. There’s loads of good stuff to read apparently so maybe do that now? I’m going to have some me-time.

Right so. Back in London. That’s good seeing friends was amazing. I think it’s an essential part of my creative process. Conversation with people is how I learn so much. I don’t read often and am not interested in the things I’m not interested in, something I am struggling to find the motivation to change. But friends are like the news for so many areas I wouldn’t bother investigating and its very informative. Not sure whether to go back to Kent or not I feel I am somewhat infringing on the lives of my brother and his girlfriend before they move back to their flat. The drive would be long and I would have to do it again back. 

I woke up this morning really not wanting to do SCA. Something I have only really felt recently. I think it’s my freeze instinct. Some people fight others flight (though we aren’t fecking birds and no one has bothered to come up with a term for something we do) and others freeze. Freezing is something I didn’t know existed and till I did it. You basically can’t really do anything it’s like the secret bonus level to flight and fight, which isn’t talked about much. Though I haven’t freezed recently I have just felt like I want to lie down and wait till its all over. Ah just lie in bed yes that’s the solution. The alternative of living on a computer screen doesn’t seem very appealing. Fun creative learning! Feels a lot more like an arduous task with the finish line made out of some sticks someone has rustled from the back yard. Are people going to hire us? Will they hire me most importantly? No one seems to know. The best will always succeed. But here again comes my instinct to lie down. I just want to hibernate and let them have it. Feels like I am running on autopilot doing SCA at the minute sometimes freaking out and taking the controls myself not really knowing what I’m doing before turning the switch on again. Ah cruising look at the pretty clouds. Is that low fuel noise? Why does it have Marc’s voice? Ignore it look a bird. Birds are cool they can fly.