My top twenty tips for 2020 – By @aliceburden1

By Alice Burden


My top twenty tips for 2020


So, it’s 2020, the year of clarity. The year of vision. How can we make this the best year of our lives? We need to start the year off right. 


So, here are my top twenty (that’s right TWENTY) tips for 2020.

  1. Get your eyes tested.

There’s no point going into 2020 if you can’t see properly, this is the year of clarity guys.


  1. Stop having fun.


Don’t eat carbs or drink booze. This is very important if you want to enjoy 2020.


  1. Propose to your man!


If you have a man, and you want to get married but he’s dragging his feet, this is your year. It’s a leap year which means on the 29th February a woman can get down on one knee. Or like… you could just ask him whenever, its 2020, not 1820.


  1. Learn the lingo.


In 2020, there’s going to be a lot of new slang, but I’m not going to tell you what it is. So pole up, ya Flonk! 


  1. Shower more.


This so much.


  1. Invest in the SCA stock market.


This year, you will be able to buy stocks in partnerships. Will you invest wisely? Who will come out top? I’m putting my #money on Alice and Phillip. No bias.


  1. Put your pants on two legs at a time.


It’s a new dawn, be different, stand out. 


  1. Choose a sofa and stick with it.


Just choose a goddamned sofa people. Don’t be a sofa slut.


  1. Relax more this year.


All of April is 04/20. 


  1. Jump to conclusions.


It’s a leap year.


  1. Watch obscure stand up comedy. 


If you have to do a stand up show, you might as well steal a few jokes, all the best comics do. And if you find my videos, I’ll buy you a donut.


  1. Don’t go into your overdraft.


In April 2020, many overdrafts will be charged at 40%, no matter what you agreed with the bank. So make sure to open an account with the bank of mum and dad as well 😉


  1. Buy your partner gifts.


Gain their trust and when they let you down, stab them in the chest.


  1. Always carry tissues.


You’re going to need them. Don’t ask why, just trust me on this one. 


  1. Don’t write a list of 20 tips if you don’t actually have 20 tips.


Fortunately for you, dear reader, I do.


  1. Be careful with technology. 


I heard mercury is in retrograde like all year. I’m a cancer, that terrifies me.


  1. Make sure you write “2020” when writing the date. 


Just writing “20” means that someone can alter the date you’ve signed, meaning your signature is on an invalid document potentially getting you in a lot of trouble.


  1. Do everything twice. 


It’s 20 and 20. This year is all about doubles. 


  1. Do everything twice. 


It’s 20 and 20. This year is all about doubles. 


  1. Pay attention to detail. 


I skipped 9. Oh, and now you’re realizing I didn’t skip 9. DON’T BE A FOOL! 


So, there you have it. My top twenty tips for 2020. What a year it will be. I hope this list has provided you with clarity for the year ahead. #2020 #theyearofclarity #flonkyear #poleupdogs #moneyonaliceandphillip

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