By Ruby Quince

Reaction to Quitting pt1

These scabs creep up on you, all sneaky-like. Before you know it you’ve got an email telling you you’ve missed one. In this instance it was a simple diary error (I set an alarm for the others but missed this on the rota), but pretty much every time it’s a bit of a schlep. It’s not something I do for fun. Knowing this, I tend to have a handful of half-written ones littered about and a back-up that’s ready to roll. Foolishly, I sent in my completed back-up one week when it wasn’t even my slot because the one that had met the deadline was a bit lame and it didn’t sit right. 

I do have another completed back-up, but it’s problematic. It sets me off, probing areas and asking questions that I probably don’t want to tackle, especially not at past-bedtime when I have homework to do. Fuck’s sake. Anyway, the very first scab I wrote was immediately after I quit my job. I knew these blogs were part of the programme, and I figured it would distract me from the awkwardness in the office for a bit. Here’s the first bit: 

“I just quit my job. About 30 minutes ago.  I met with my boss and told him that I want to go.  When I went into the room I wasn’t certain I was going to do it, thinking I may just say that I’m not happy, grumble a bit and find a compromise. But I walked out of the room having set the wheels in motion for a monumental pivot in my life journey. I’m 43 and I’m going back to school. And it’s not even a proper school.

I’m a bit shocked, even though it was my intention to do it. I’d love to say that it was a weight off of my mind but that’s not how it feels. I’m anxious and full of doubt. It’s a good job, I’m paid well, the company has potential. I have it pretty good in principle but I know it’s going to piss me off and I’ll start pissing people off and nobody really wins. Objectively, financially, maybe career-wise, it may not be a logical decision. It’s not an entirely emotional one either. I suppose it sits somewhere between a gamble and a punt. 

I don’t buy into everything I am told about the school yet, I’m not sure it’s not an elaborate fraud. I guess I’ll see. It’s too late to pull a George Costanza in the boardroom. I better find something to really believe in, pronto”

That’s the first half. You can see why I didn’t really want to submit it. I’ll save the bit where I try to put a solid rationale around the decision until another post, assuming it ages well.