By Alfie Souter

Stop ranting you idiot.

I punched the shop front hard. I deemed that not enough so I did it again. 

“I’m so fucking angry” I yelled at them.

And I was. I was really angry, drunk and upset. Not a good combination to talk about a sensitive issue. But somehow I had let it come to this. Screaming in the street. So much so that a random member of the public came over and asked if I was okay. He suggested I was probably too drunk. I think my posh accent helped me get out of being beaten up here. For I said in what I thought was a very sarcastic and aggressive tone.

“Thank you very much I hadn’t noticed, I am just going to get back to this conversation now.”

I think the person was confused by this and walked off. I don’t remember much more of the argument I was having. I think I too walked off soon after I was confronted. When I woke up I had hoped it had been a dream. Had I really stood there and just yelled at someone I cared about. 

I remember screaming “fucking listen to me.” How ironic because I wasn’t listening to them. I just felt wronged. I thought the only justifiable reaction was to exact revenge there and then. It’s upsetting to realise that I have used my newly improved skills with words and articulation as a weapon to hurt someone else. 

I thought my anger in general was harmless. It has been remarked to me recently that people love my angry rants about the things I hate. I thought this was therapeutic a release against the world I see so much wrong in. But I think, I hope today that I am starting to realise being angry at the world it pointless. It’s not enough to be angry. If you’re so fucking angry about the world then why don’t you do something about it. I was just whining, constantly complaining and whining about things I didn’t like.

Pathetic.

I’m angry at myself for being so pointlessly angry. Just ranting about what’s wrong with instagram, why I think it’s ludicrous people in this day and age believe in star signs etc.… It’s pointless. The world doesn’t change because one idiot yelled about it for a few minutes, even if they did it a lot, even every day. I don’t think a day has gone by without me ranting about something I don’t like. I thought this was fine but christ I was just throwing my toys out of the pram.  

We had a masterclass from someone a few weeks ago, a lot of the things he said I did not agree with but one thing he said comes to mind now. He said he found it upsetting that we the people in that room thought they were powerless to create change. I thought I didn’t care about change but the trend I have noticed in my own work is I want to change things. I want to solve problems. Not brand problems but people problems. And if I can use a brands mite, credentials to do that then why the hell wouldn’t I? If they gain some increase in revenue, it’s my job. Until I find a better vehicle for the change I want to see I will stick with advertising. 

That’s not to say I shouldn’t work on my anger. I can channel that passion into this change as I have said. But it’s not enough to have grand ambitions if you do nothing to achieve them. So I am actually going to start meditating now. Sorry Marc you lent me this Muse headset and I used it twice. Hundreds of pounds wasted. All because I was contemptuous of the process. I hate sitting down and meditating, there’s so much else I could do with my time. Sitting there and just ‘relaxing’ I find the concept ridiculous. If I want to relax I will play some games, watch some tv, listen to music, go for a walk. But do I do any of those things regularly? Everyday like I should? No. 

Now if you will excuse me I am going do some meditation.