By Chloe Cordon

Why are you so grumpy/happy/[insert emotion here]?

The answer is “I don’t know”, and it’s been doing my head in for ages now. I’m never sure of what I think, but the real killer is I don’t know why I feel how I do. I get grumpy and make up reasons for why, and it drives me up the bloody wall. Women, eh? So emotional, right? Do I really know myself so little?

Then this week we had a mind-blowingly interesting masterclass from Rory Sutherland, that proved I’m not just a sexist lunatic, for the most part. Apparently no-one knows what their head’s on about. We’re all trying to ride this elephant that is our brain. But the elephants not listening. You couldn’t control that carefree motherf*cker even if you tried. But God do we try. And we’re so deep in denial that we pretend the Elephant is listening to us. It’s like an old episode of the Simpsons. “Yeah, I told Stampy to do a runner and wreck Springfield”. If this metaphor has got a bit confusing, the long and short of it is we have no idea what our brain is doing. Great.

I kind of hoped that by writing this I’d solve all of life’s problems by the third paragraph. I’d just keep typing and crack it. Leave today being heralded as the next big thing in behavioural economics. Well, that’s not happened. I mean, it kind of sucks when someone asks you why you’re pissed at them and you’re like; “it’s not me, it’s my elephant”. Or, a speciality of mine, you reel off a list of things that have pissed you off to wake up the next day and realise you couldn’t actually care less about any of it. And you still don’t even know what was wrong in the first place. Brush that ‘un under the rug then.

So there will be no answer in this SCAB. I’m not following the regular structure. No happy endings. No learnings. No character development or transformation into a beautiful, worldly, self-aware butterfly. But I can give you a great inception style ending to mess with your head and have you gagging for the sequel that will never come.
There is no answer, and maybe that’s the answer in itself.