Am I worthy or Worth less? By @Bumzberry1
By Bunmi Akinwale
Am I worthy or Worth less?
I am an inquisitively energetic being that flows, that adapts, that empowers, that illuminates, that’s embedded through creative streams.
‘I am an beacon’.
I like that. It’s something that I need to remind myself everyday because there is, sometimes, self doubt within me.
As they say – you are your biggest critique.
We had Adah Parris , who is shall I say, a very refreshing narrative/storyteller that came in to do a masterclass with us. She said a lot of things that I tried to avoid from admitting myself because self reflection is what I thought was a waste of time. But sometimes in order to understand yourself and your worth these gestures are worthwhile investing in.
Like she mentioned ‘understanding your identity is understanding yourself’. I always felt like self complimenting yourself is arrogant or self absorbing but in doing this it allows you to be self aware and create a story of yourself that at first, you weren’t aware of having. The method that Adah taught us of writing down elements of roles we embedded, then finding the common denominator within the words was insightful. It verified a characteristic that I wasn’t sure I had or would even label myself to be. I guess everyone has that vexatious feeling of not being good enough. Like ‘Am I a creative?’….
There’s one thing listening to your negative thoughts and there’s another listening to it and proving it wrong. I alway interpret things differently, it’s something that always annoyed me because I ask ‘why don’t I understand simple things like everyone else?’. Or the way I articulate myself or explain a situation. Or the way I absorb information, knowledge that I receive is depicted much differently within my head. Are the wires in my brain entwined differently? Most probably.
It is but is it a bad thing to have my perceptions different from everyone else? Maybe it probably the time for me to acknowledge and accept that these interpretations are good, maybe my perceptions being different can be a way of looking at an equation from another angle. That angle can spring out ideas that people haven’t even considered. It’s a way of standing out. It’s one thing judging yourself with negative thoughts and accepting them as negative. But there’s also one way judging negatively and using the negative as motivation, I should spin it on its head positively. Alternatively use these messed up brain nerves cells to influence people creatively. Am I a creative? Well with the dedication of practising and making use of these cells I need to become more confident and remind myself I can be whatever I want to be. I need to have an understanding of what story I’m trying to say about myself. What stories am I trying to convey alongside the work I produce. Firstly I must accept my attributes I have, for the story to even begin and understood by others. I shouldn’t be ashamed but embrace myself and not try to blend in or try to become something that I am not. My characteristics are what makes me different.
I’m an beacon.