SCABs

Directionless Biscuit – By @DjDancer1

Directionless Biscuit

Dean pleaded me to get involved with improv and I was more than reluctant. 

Improv online? I’m awkward enough IRL, god knows what weird shit ill say over zoom I thought.  

But his persistent nagging got me in the session. It took me until the end for me to realise that I wasn’t with alumni, but I’d invaded the interview days improv session. Thanks Dean… 

My presence didn’t really disrupt the session so it was fine but in the beginning, the workshop instructor asked me to combine a feeling you’re having recently with the last thing I ate. 

I guess at that time I felt like a Directionless Biscuit.  

But looking back it doesn’t quite feel true. I mean, if I were to listen to my thoughts then I want to be 30 things when I grow up and my opinions on those things vary minute to minute. 

Is Directionless Biscuit bipolar? Split personality perhaps? 

Most forms of self-help would have me thinking about my thinking over and over. Trying to mould a perfect self-image. I used to love this sort of thing, It felt very important and necessary. 

Today I learnt that we think 60-80 thousand thoughts a day. No wonder controlling and curating my thoughts eventually became tiring. I actually take comfort in the opposite approach these days.

Knowing that I have such an immense and uncontrollable amount of thinking each day surely means no matter how good or bad my thinking gets, there’s always another thought around the corner. It will be born without my intervention. 

I don’t need to take it seriously, hold onto it, craft it or repeat it. 

Doing that would kinda be like seeing someone trying to mould a cloud into a beautiful shape. He toils with the clouds endlessly, because if there aren’t any beautiful clouds it will literally be the end of the world. 

You’d yell at him, it’s a bloody cloud mate, just let it float by! Because you know there are more clouds coming, of all shapes and sizes. You might even lie down and appreciate both the ugly and the pretty ones, just marvelling at how the whole thing works.

Same thing with thought, good or bad I know the next one is right around the corner. And I certainly don’t need to ruminate of thoughts of the future, who I will be or who I’m becoming. 

Because I don’t have a time machine and I own exactly zero crystal balls. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m trying to navigate life via my intuition, the gut, lifes TomTom or whatever you wanna call it. Feels to me more practical than trying to sculpt clouds. 

I started this SCAB talking about improv and ended sharing my inner hippie. I certainly don’t know what the point is. But if your reading then I guess there was sufficient meaning to it. 

Either way, just like thought, don’t worry about it.

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