This might be it for me. I know it sucks you won’t get anymore, but just try to appreciate them the best you can.

Paypal — Pay your pals and also your enemies any amount that you have in your account.

This is all about the cold hard fact that there is no such thing as money well spent; money spent is money spent. I can see posters that say something like ‘Paying back Steve his 200 quid for the Vegas hotel stay. Paying Chris 200 quid to not blackmail you with those photos he found. No difference. Paypal: Money’s money.’ As an activation, they could add friend and enemy labels on their app and keep track of how much you’re paying toward each.

Quicksilver — Mercury is a chemical element with the symbol Hg and atomic number 80. It is also known as quicksilver and was formerly named hydrargyrum (/haɪˈdrɑːrdʒərəm/ hy-DRAR-jər-əm) from the Greek words hydor (water) and argyros (silver).A heavy, silvery d-block element, mercury is the only metallic element that is known to be liquid at standard temperature and pressure; the only other element that is liquid under these conditions is the halogen bromine, though metals such as caesium, gallium, and rubidium melt just above room temperature.

They also sell dope ass board shorts.

I don’t like this one. They could make posters in the shape of board shorts that are filled with mercury. The activation could be TikTok science videos with a very cool California surfer dude who’s really chill. Could even partner with that roadman TikTokker who plays with chemicals.

Red Bull — Energy in drink in a can.

This is a good one. Makes you think about the levels of Red Bull.  I could see a ‘beat up the enemy’ campaign. Posters that are like ‘Coke = Drink in can. How Sweet. Red Bull: Energy in drink in a can. They could also release clear cans, so people can see that there is energy in drink in a can. This will amaze people.

Starbucks — Writing names on coffees since Clair from the marketing department decided we should write names on coffees.

A whole campaign glorifying this woman Claire. The cult of Claire. Claire depicted as a misunderstood genius, an unknown force with such a massive influence on where we are today. Posters that say something like ‘This is Claire. Say thanks _________ (the blank names are written in Starbucks sharpie handwriting and change to whoever last made an order). Activation: Claire runs for president. And wins.

Tesla — Faster than a speeding car that’s driving slower than a speeding Tesla.

This is all about how Teslas are no different than any other car. It’s trying to normalise electric vehicles. Elon Musk is an incredibly self-effacing and totally moral person, so I have no doubt in my mind he’d be behind a campaign like this. Posters: ‘When a Toyota Corolla drives at 50 mph and a Tesla drives at 40 mph, the Toyota is faster. But if you reverse those numbers, than the Tesla is faster. Tesla: Sometimes faster.’ Activation could be one of those poster vans that says ‘A Tesla could also do this’.

Afterword

I just checked and this is my last SCAB. I should’ve written a tribute piece, but it’s a Saturday and I’ve already been doing work today and I just don’t have the energy. I’m going to have weirdly mixed feelings once we’re done. Definitely relief from the intensity that is the SCA, but also some strange, Stockholm Syndrome-inspired sadness. I’ve had a blast these last 9.25 months. The person who recommended SCA to me said ‘…it will be one of the best (and toughest) years ever.’ He was 100% right.

@CharHaar