If you were a kind of potato, what would you be? By @megan_egan

By Megan Egan



If you were a kind of potato, what would you be?


This is a question I’m often asked. I know. Weird.


I guess I don’t offer stimulating conversation very often, so people just resort to potato chat.


“A Maris Piper!” I blurt out ever so proudly, from the top of my lungs.


“…No, I didn’t mean what type of potato, I meant things like fries, mash, baked, dauphinoise… ya know?”


“Well my friend, in this case, the answer is slightly more complicated, you see…


On a bog standard day, I’d say I’m a baked potato. A bit of a crispy skin, slightly fluffy in the middle and kind of underwhelming, but on certain days, a firm choice that can be easily jazzed up. If it’s been a tough week, I’d probably say that my skin is less of a crispy consistency, and more soggy and fragile – you know, like a tragic microwaved “baked” potato.


As we move towards the weekend however, my potato state begins to morph into a mash-like consistency. Not the extravagant, creamy mash you see so carefully mixed and dolloped in restaurants, oh no! I’m more of the “we had to improvise and use a fork” kind… the “we’re also out of gravy.” kind. The “it looks like what I threw up outside Kebabylon at 2am” kind.”


While I’m pretty confident in my potato profile, I have decided that since it’s approaching midnight as I write this, now would be the perfect time to ask the trustworthy community of BuzzFeed which potato food I would be.


I am not happy with the result:

“You got: French Fries – You’re upbeat and friendly, and pretty much everyone loves you. Sometimes you worry about being “basic”, but you’re not basic; you’re perfect.”


Better than a tater tot I guess.


All this potato chat has got me thinking, potatoes are a bit of a wonder food aren’t they? Just look at the things they can become: french fries, chunky fries, curly fries, skinny fries, triple-cooked fries, wedges, fried potatoes, mash, smashed, rings, dauphinoise, hash browns, stuffed, baked, tater tots, crisps, chips, gratin, latkes, waffles, farls, croquettes, pancakes, toast, hasselback, salad, pies, soup, gnocchi, cake, truffles, roasted, boiled, skins, fondant, hash…


If I had to eat one food forever, it would probably be a potato. It might be the Irish inside me, but damn they’re just so good, right? You can even make vodka out of them!


The roast potato is actually one of Britain’s most loved dishes, and the pinnacle of a Sunday roast (although, I would say that being a vegetarian). No one can agree on the right way to roast them too, it’s a source of national debate.


Mash is one of the most versatile potato forms. It can be served up with classic bangers (or Linda McCartney ones in my case), and lashings of gravy, or be mixed up with cheese and spinach. It can be chunky. Smooth. Buttery. Powdery.


The humble potato. A classic. A staple. An icon.


I’m hungry.

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