Ran’s Dad’s Scab! – By @markystall


By Mark Stallard


Ran’s Dad’s Scab!


2 years ago when Ran Stallard was honing her advertising skills at SCA, I found myself enthralled by the goings on in Brixton so I wrote a Dad’s eye view of the ad school world. I thought that would be that. So imagine my surprise when Mr Lewis asked for more copy. Trust me, this middle aged grumpy Gloucestershire mortgage broker has been in a creative spin ever since. What to write. I have barely slept?

Well you don’t want to know if I prefer fixed rates to tracker deals  and a postage stamp would be big enough to tell you about my ailing football team Swindon Town.  So I guess our common denominator is Ran.

I thought I should write her a letter. Why? Well She and Max entered a competition to win a prize at South By South West in Texas. They won. The “Prize”? Stand in front of a room that holds 2000 and deliver a presentation entitled “Screw email! Why the clever comms are handmade”. Umm. Just glad they did not win second or third prize! Suggestion dear dawt, don’t enter comps with prizes like that in future, they are trouble!

Ran left home after her Christmas break with more goals then Ronaldo in mind. One of them was to write a letter each rainy January day, so that she could chart the responses she gets for the above mentioned talk.  So here is my reply.

Dearest Dawt

Thank you for your thank you letter. It was much appreciated. It does makes ones spending and choosing so much more agreeable. We are glad to hear your year has started well. I figure it will not be long before I will be buying a fitness watch that doesn’t tell the time, drinking some cider that has little in common with the apple or flushing out my insides with a fizzy drink because yours and Max’s skill have told my subconscious that I need your brand x. But roll on that day I say! I was so excited when your first big Ad board went up I told your mother we should make a picnic and go and sit under it. When your first big Christmas Ad hits our screens, you don’t need to buy me a present, the job will be done!

Talking of your mother she is in good health if not a little irked that I have somehow cunningly booked her enough portraits to do until July. If a friend wants the Poodle painted call me and I will fit one more in! My efforts to placate her have failed and I am now reduced to rice, not potatoes, no sugar and generally food I don’t care for as some cruel punishment. Your influence in the house remains omnipresent. Instead of bacon and egg for breakfast I now have some radio active looking green juice that’s has decimated Lincolnshire of its kale stock in one serving. I take it like medicine. I will admit It is surprising how nice it is if its red   but don’t tell her I said that or a lorry load of beetroot will be tipped on the drive ! It comes out of a device called a Nutri Bullet!

 Your bedroom, you will be pleased to know resembles a Virgin (in) active gym. We spent yesterday looking for a tread mill. (Oh the irony). I tried to counter this by buying new slippers. I just want to grow old gracefully!

Your Grand Parentals say Hi! Granny S hasn’t taken well to Mr Corbyn one feels and is suggesting hanging is brought back. Nana P continues to be rather irritated when friends call on her whilst  watching her beloved Sky sports. I try to get her to like Andy Murray but she can have none of it. She loves the Djokovic fellow so much she cannot even watch him play. She is currently trying to convince me to watch the darts.

Your pets continue to miss you. Don’t worry I continue to get up seemingly in the middle of the night to walk the dog in the cold, wind and rain. I have told your cat to go Dick Whittington style to London to live with you.

No doubt you are excited by your Ogilvy move up river to a much more creative environment and away from those horrid bankers. Keep moving west up river and you should reach home by about 2073 but I may not be here so I will leave the door on the latch.

My new little business continues to thrive despite Mr Osbourne’s medaling and a compliance culture that is akin to the tail shaking the poor dog to death. What a daft society we have become now. I am going to apply for a place at SCA and start again I think!

I don’t have a lot more news to be honest. Jenny next door has the builders in and we are dying to know what she is having done. An invite soon I expect. I somehow screwed up the lottery again last night despite the Camelot advertising telling me I would win. I bet the fellow on the moon is having a good laugh as most of us return to work tomorrow. I took the car for an expensive service and the very nice man washed it for me and “checked the levels”. Gratitude doesn’t come anywhere  near my thoughts. My paper tells me we are all getting a little fed up with gadgets which may be interesting to you guys. Last night I read that there are 600,000 people at any one time on the London underground so my tip this week is get your message down stairs!

Right I am off to check my Facebook, twitter and Instagram and find a holiday via Air B&B.

Keep scoring those Goals !

Love you always

Poppa Stall xxxx


PS –  And so to all of you in Coup, we may never meet, but I can say with sincerity that you are in very good hands. I wish you success and the drive to push through when things get tough. SCA has done a lot for my youngest offspring and I hope you’ll find the same fulfilment as you gear up to head out into adland. May your skins be thick and your moleskins brimming with ideas.

Oh, and if you see Ran, tell her to call her parents every now and then.

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