By David Korhonen

Same colour as you

There is nothing to deal with Ian’s masterclasses here.

I have recently been able to put words and explanation on a feeling I had for a long time now. One of the reactions that shape my relationship with others in everyday life and work. A human mechanism called social chameleon. 

Basically, I adapt when I can, to the person I’m talking to/working with. It’s before all a way to be “liked” by everyone. A reaction started when I was young to feel accepted, I guess. We all are at some point, especially with people we don’t know. Nobody wants to sense the others don’t like his taste, habits, or personality. We often don’t tell everything before apprehending the other’s point of view. But this lasts till you start to know who you’re talking with. For me, it is all the time. With everyone, even my family. 

While working, I feel like it can be very beneficial, especially on work that requires to create as a team. I never had trouble working with people whatever their process, their opinion, their motivation. I will try to find a way to makes the person involved, to give him the voice, to make him feel I am working as much as he does on a project he created. Avoid any disagreements and try to rely on his opinion. To make the most of someone by letting him be/act the way he is. It often makes relation and works more comfortable, which allow me to run even with strong personalities or people that don’t want to work.  

The issue in that is, like everything, when pushed to the extreme, it can start to be a problem. And the problem there is me. Who am I? Is it my work? Do I have opinions, believes and personality? It also sometimes leads me to disappointment. Not being able to create, what I thought was right, not pushing it to where I wanted, not being in my standards. It feels like I highly depend on my partner to have a tone of voice, a decision or even an idea. Whereas when I’m working alone, I have no trouble with that. But I need a partner. I need people. I need feedback and opinions to produce something great and to feel at ease while working (even though noise is awful for working). 

On a social level, it’s the same advantages and issues pushed further. However, I’m not going to expand on this one. But what’s great is that when you start to be aware of such a mechanism, you can begin to act around to make it sane for you and the other. Try to learn to take the great aspect of it, avoid being extreme and killing yourself in the process — a lot to work on when coming back this January.