Sorry – By @karolinakezdi

By Karolina Kezdi




14820 min. I spent that on the phone in 2018. It mainly was work.


I remember a few calls. Once by mistake I got the private number of the speed skating champion so I rang him in the middle of the Winter Olympic Games.

I’ve been in the hospital with thrombosis in my leg, so I worked from bed, surrounded by kinky old ladies. Sometimes I chatted with the Ministry of Defence, sometimes they read out the juiciest parts of Sandra and Horhe’s romance. Once my pedicure was made while I was in a delightful conversation with a sexual psychologist about the female orgasm. Once I was sitting in a dentist surgery among kids, waiting for the yearly visit, when I asked a guy from Nasa: “Okay, but do aliens exist? “ Another time at 2 am a neurologist professor in attendance confirmed: man flu exists.


I’m sure at least one hour is discussing the weather with my Mom (who lives 20 km away).


My closest friend is 0 sec. It wasn’t a surprise, we are texting. I was in this belief, but after I checked: we had 9 conversations in the year. One is on her birthday, another one is on my birthday, a happy holidays wish and 3 are just links, sent to fulfill our inexplicable fanaticism of Zac Effron. The whole conversation is less than this article.


I still consider her as one of my best friends, and I know she loves me anyway. Maybe that makes me lazy. She knows me, she knows I’m always busy, she knows I love her. And I always like her posts on Facebook and on both her Insta profiles, so I’m up to date.


I called her. I tried to call her, but I realized I don’t know her number anymore. So I called her on Skype. “Hello. Are you okay?” – was the answer. I was offended a bit, why can’t I call her just to call her and ask what’s up.


But this isn’t how our relation looks like. Last time when we spoke on Skype she told me that she had cancer – at the age of 26 – and she is over the first chemotherapy. I was crying and I was pissed off why she couldn’t tell me that earlier. So asked. “Because I knew how you would have reacted and I didn’t want you to worry” – she said. I was irate, I wanted to be there for her.


But I wasn’t.


Even after, when I had the chance. I knew what was happening. But she was so strong, she never complained, so I never felt she needed me. This is the poor explanation that I feed my guilt since then.


“Hi, no, I’m ok, just since ages when I last heard your voice. So what’s up?”

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