The Badvent Calendar
By Oscar Frost
In preparation for writing a shit-hot SMP for each day of the advent, I feel I need to get some bad ones out of the way.
If you’re after impressive SMP writing and good advertising in general, look elsewhere.
This will be a masterclass in stating the obvious, missing the point, and failing to use my imagination in any way whatsoever.
We will start with A.
Apple
Computers!
Barclays
A bank you might have in your town.
Colgate
Smells like it tastes.
Dell Technologies
Not Apple but still computers.
EasyJet
Fly almost anywhere with an airport!
Fox News
News in American.
GANT
Jumpers for guys that really have it together.
Homebase
Paint & Decorating, Garden & Outdoor, Kitchens, Bathrooms & Plumbing, Flooring & Tiling, Lighting, Electrical & Heating, Furniture, Storage & Home, Building & Hardware, Tools.
Italian Tourist Board
Sembriamo uno stivale!
Jaguar
Often silver, sometimes not.
Kodak
Take a picture of any object and then have that picture.
Lacoste
Crocodile!
McDonald’s
The Big Mac is just one of the many products served in McDonalds.
Nike
Making Nike products since 25th January 1964.
Omega
We know what time it is every time.
Papa John’s
Hot when it’s fresh, cold when it’s not.
Quink
“In 1928, under the direction of Kenneth Parker, the Parker Pen Company set out to develop a new and improved fountain pen ink. Inferior inks had long been the main cause of clogged fountain pens, yet popular ink formulations had remained unchanged in decades. Research for the project was initially outsourced to Miner Laboratories of Chicago. In August 1930 one of the lead chemists, Galen Sayler, was hired directly and put to work in a small laboratory at company headquarters in Janesville, Wisconsin.” – Wikipedia
Rolls Royce
Damn, these cars are expensive, dude!
San Pellegrino
The most San Pellegrino-ey water you’ll ever encounter.
TicTacs
They’re small, they’re minty, they’re always TicTacs.
UFC
Octagons has twice as much corners as rings.
Vicks
You don’t know what it does, but you know it smells gooooood.
Walkers
Crisps that really satisfy that hunger for crisps.
Xylophones?
Not really a brand…
YouTube
Videos in boxes!
Zoom
We can help you talk to them. We can help you like them. We won’t do that though. We’ll just help you talk to them.
Thanks!
Oscar
