By HUSH – The SCA Intake of 2018/19

 

 

What amazing tale will Marc weave about you for next years intake…

 

Tom: ‘Oh you’re in for a treat. Tom is one of our super super stars. I met Tom over the phone, he wasn’t very creative but he had a very nice voice. One thing that I’ll always remember about Tom is his name. I’ve had so many successful Toms on the course throughout the years, Tom Bender, Tom Corcoran, Tom Manning, sadly Irish Tom didn’t live up to his name. He’s only here because Pete is sick today and we needed to fill the slot on the calendar. Please put your hands together for the disappointing Tom!’

 

Charles: I want future intakes to be told impossible tales about my amazing reflection slides. And how, despite one being entirely illiterate and the other having no hands, he and Josie became the first creative team to win the Nobel Prize for services to advertising.

 

Maddy: About how I stalked him on Facebook and, over the course of the year, morphed into a younger, hotter version of him. Coloured hair, obnoxious trousers and glasses.

 

J-Rib – As Marc introduces me before my masterclass (replacing J-Mac who unfortunately kickboxed one human too many), he will hopefully mention my weird presentation on interview day, my herculean efforts for new blood and maybe, just maybe, he will pause a second, a hidden wry smile will break on his face, a single tear will drop from his eye, and he will tell the epic tale of the SCA meme page.

 

Phil: y’all chi’dren finding your voice? you lost your voice Samantha? you lost your voice Timmy? Nah? Good bc WE GO AGAIN WE GO AGAIN I don’t want any of you looking behind you exponential growth this term exponential we’re at 8.3%, onwards and upwards, higher up and further in, remember that student Phil last year who peaked at interview day, do not be that student you’re my eleventh year be in my dream XI, please put your hands together for

 

Saph: The quiet type. Never missed a monday. Brunette.

 

Mary: Last year we had Mary – wonderful old girl. Every morning before she came into school she would go to her OAP movement class at the hospital and get her bowels checked. She chose SCA as it was the closest thing she could get to a psych ward without having to be sectioned.

Vic: I always said one of my students would win a : :Noble prize. I never imagined it would be her, and I never, never, would have guessed the reason she was awarded one.

 

Coco: She only submitted 1% of her D&AD copy

 

Alex B: I hear she does car commercials. In Japan.

 

Andy: I don’t know but I’m sure any bold claims I’ve made about my past endeavours will be quickly debunked by my loving wife.

 

Gem: Parlez-vous français? Hope you’ll understand this masterclass from the frenchiest of the french, listen carefully and you’ll probably get some tips on how finding love in SCA.

 

Alex T: No idea. But I expect to be introduced with “you’re in for a real treat” or I’m leaving.

 

Karolina: I’m sure you’ve met her. She’s fucking everywhere, man!

 

Lauren: ask me this at the end of the year

 

Ruby: He came, saw, he conked. This is why we no longer have any old people on the course.

 

Antonio: He always sat on the front. He wasn’t fluent in English but I chose him because I needed someone to entertain the class. He often smiled and he always bought a present when it was someone’s birthday.

 

Josie: She racked up a total of 28 cease and desist letters and a lifetime ban from Poundland

 

Dan: He could scamp underwater, blindfolded, only using his feet and a blunt pencil. A thousand soggy scamps every morning. I want to see these walls covered. Dan would smear his shit over the walls every day. He was making stuff. What are you doing with your time? Carpe diem.

 

Marta: God saved her.