8136 days

8136 days, that’s the amount of time I have been wondering aimlessly on earth. The number feels so big and yet I feel so small. 22 years, 3 months and 9 days although longer to say, feels less significant, more bearable, digestible even. I finally understand why we have things such as maths with rule books and laws. It’s not there to ‘keep us in check but to make sense in a senseless world. It allows us to dream of the unattainable, forces the extraordinary into the mundane and simplifies things; if there was any time for simple, it is now.

How can I be so old (and yes, I know 22 isn’t old but lockdown aged by at least 5 yrs!) and yet feel unprepared for so many things the world has to offer? Something like SCA Is a golden ticket but one I was hesitant to claim. I have
always felt like I’m missing pages in the book of life whilst everyone else has the cliff notes version. Despite that, when it comes to my work, I have an upper hand; Something unquantifiable and astonishingly addicting. I took a chance and now I can finally be the idea generator I always wanted to be, surrounded by peers eccentric as me.

I would call myself a massive book-worn, dance enthusiast, serial spontaneous singer, tv-film buff and overall nerd. I find inspiration in everything, whether it be the sound of my mum’s laugh, the moss growing on a tree at my local park or even the light flickering in my bedroom desk lamp. These past couple of years have been quite challenging for me. Not knowing what to do and what is the right choice can feel like a failure but without it, there is no growth. Practice doesn’t make perfect as it doesn’t exist but one thing it does equal is progress and that’s what I hope to aim for. This year has been amazing in helping me take the necessary steps to get to where I want and SCA is a big part of that. Writing down Art Director used to be so terrifying. Past me would immediately backspace, press delete, undo, anything and everything that will allow me to take back giving away my intentions. Present-day me however Is determined to keep doing things that seem out of my limit so they can one day manifest into reality.

Writing things down helps clear my mind like nothing else and allows me to think. From ‘what I am grateful for’ everyone morning to long-winded journal entries every night, I am at peace when I can get rid of all the thoughts plaguing me, especially If I’m writing with pen and paper. From the little creative weirdo, I used to be to the big creative weirdo I am today, I can’t wait to start new adventures to achieve my goals. It’s very clique to say but life is hard and cruel, tantalizing and mystical but without the bad, we cannot appreciate the good. That is what I think about when looking back on all the 195,700 hours I have spent creating, making and dreaming. I hope to spend many more reflecting as I am now.


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