Almost Groomed – By @DJayDancer1

By Daniel Johnson


Almost Groomed


So my photography job didn’t pay me last week. 


Needless to say when they asked me to work another shift I told to crawl up my arsehole and suffocate. 


Or at least I should have… 


Their frantic change in attitude as I rejected a last-minute shift did fill my heart will childlike joy however.


After sacking them off for good, my first port of call was kindle. I cracked open my library to find what I’m after “side hustle” (by Chris Gueell..cmdn…whatever his name is… ).


So I flick through, list about 50 side hustle ideas and keep reading. I haven’t yet decided my hustle but did think of one or two things I could do immediately like more club photography or teach dance, etc. 


So what is anyone to do when they have a service to offer but are too poor to pay for advertising on boards like gumtree? 


Well, they turn to the dark pit that is craigslist. 


Now to be fair, it can’t be as bad as its reputation, right?


It’s 2019, we’re over the whole “omg you met a stranger over the internet” thing. Were in an age where government’s crackdown on dodgy websites. 


Surely craigslist has a job, some new friends and got his act together? 




Well, let’s just say my first week back at SCA I was almost groomed. 


‘’Hi there are you male or female’’


Now at this point, I would like to mention, that as a man, as a stocky fellow, no actually, as a frontally rotund ex gym rat, I tend not to fear for my safety much. 


But, if ever a place has made me uncomfortable from the relative safety of my sofa, its craigslist. 


‘’Guys my wife ask if you charge’’


Nearly every conversation I’ve had has died immediately at the mere mention of public meetings. One creeper even wanted me to travel over an hour to his house. 


Hmmmmm, how about no mate. 


At first, I thought I wasn’t being clear in my posts. But I soon came to realise that the brilliant thing about craigslist, is that no matter how vague or specific my post is, I’m just as likely to receive a response that is out of context. Usually in a sexual way. 


One does not simply do portrait photography on craigslist. Ooooooh no it’s “I need photos to promote my older fox nude cleaning service”.


Dance lessons become “can you help my wife dance, grind and be sexy in the club. Were in an open relationship and she wants to dance with multiple guys” 


To which I say fair play. This is a no-judgment zone amigos. If you have money and don’t try any funny business then fuck it, tiss all kosher to me.


But It appears that everything in the language of Craigslist means MSM (male seeks Male) or MSFM (male seeks female)


‘’i want to take pics with hot women, can you make it happen so I can put the pics on my tinder so i dont get any racism?’’


It amusingly is the only place I know on the internet, that you can guarantee you’ll get a response, some kind of interest. 


It’s just never what you want or expected.


Or perhaps craigslist is just a new kind of civilization with its own language. One where primary school spelling mistakes are proper, every interaction must include ‘’You male or female?’’ and I’m the fool for misunderstanding it all. 


Either way, I’m learning that there are some very odd corners of the internet. 


And I’m certainly done with this one.

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