Back In The Game

One of the perks of losing a job you’re not passionate about, and the emergence of a global pandemic with the potential to eradicate all human life, is that it forces you to reflect and reconsider what you actually want to do with your life. 

Working for the legal and compliance department of the world’s largest professional real estate firm is probably not one of them. Trust me. 

I do not care for budget plans or training completion stats. And I really don’t care for affiliate company monitoring. The free coffee was actually half-decent though. Jesus, why did I take that job? Oh yeah, I had nothing better to do, and the sad thing is that didn’t even bother me.

But now I do. Perversely, despite the stress, pressure and high performative ideals, coupled with my obsessive nature, I am sleeping better than ever (could be better mind you).Maybe it’s the intensity of the course, being non-stop from 9 to 6, or maybe I am just out of shape from the last 6 months of spending most of my time lounging horizontally in my room. 

However, I think it has something to do with satisfying a deep yearning for purpose; to create and build (and get paid for it). Despite the scatterbrain and hectic nature of the course so far, I have peace of mind. I have meaning. Something to work towards, and that for whatever reason, I deem important. Hard work really doesn’t feel that bad when you complete tasks that nourish you whilst you do them (although somehow I think we have not even begun to approach peak intensity). 

Working in advertising is a conflicting desire for me, I am cynical of most brands (don’t get me started on most CSR schemes) and dislike rampant consumption (though filling the lockdown void with tat from Amazon did help) and yet this is what I am choosing to do. But then again, I don’t need to justify that to anyone.

I was 15 and at a friend’s house when his father asked me what I wanted to do as a career, I said advertising. He shot me down. “Oh that’s tough, really competitive, I wouldn’t do that”. It only struck me in the last few years how lacking in a single-fucking-morsel of usefulness a remark that was to an impressionable teenager (and also why we shouldn’t always blindly accept advice from near-extinct dinosaurs of a bygone era – no names mentioned).

Everything worth doing is tough. Everything worth doing is competitive. Fine, it isn’t medicine. It isn’t directly saving lives or the world, or even possibly making a positive difference overall. But no industry really is. Balancing someone else’s books or managing properties isn’t changing the world either. 

Communicating ideas and abstract problem solving have value. We live in a capitalist society. Markets and adverts have existed long before humans could first trade, even if we didn’t label them as such or even know how to define them, they’ve always been there. So, embrace them. And if there is the possibility that I can improve the world in some small way through this, then great. We are all eating a shit-filled sandwich but at least we get to choose the type of bread (thanks to the invisible hand of the market). One thing is for sure, producing something with cultural value is far more rewarding than only consuming it in this society. 

I’m feeling hopeful about the coming year despite everything, and a genuine desire to grow and work hard. The SCA feels like what a school should feel like (so far), it is lightyears ahead of the consumer experience of big business University. I’m doing something I should have done a long time ago. I’m back in the game. On that note, I should have an early night.

Sweet dreams.