Changes – By @rachelm194
By Rachel Morris
This week was a huge change for me.
I moved into a family home this weekend, one that wasn’t my own. I think if this was a movie I’d be kind of described as a nanny, a job I never EVER thought I would have under my belt and wow does it feel strange.
I do like it though, as overwhelming as it is/was that first day moving to London, leaving my life behind and also starting a new job with a new family.
My boyfriend and I set off from home at 8 o’clock Sunday morning and an hour before we arrived the feelings I should have been feeling in the previous months/weeks all came crashing down on me. The nauseas “wtf have I just done kind” of feeling mixed with the sadness of it all. Leaving the familiar for the unknown. I couldn’t stop crying. It was as though the weeks previous I had been in another place, my feelings were detached and then suddenly reattached.
Family and friends had been asking me for weeks how I had felt, to which I robotically just said the same thing over and over “nervous but excited” the truth was I hadn’t felt either of those. Even when I won the scholarship, I was just in pure shock. Strange.
Once we arrived at the house I was greeted by the most excited 3 kids you could have seen (B14, B13 & G7). It was lovely, overwhelming too though. And then there was the mum, the woman who is now the provider of the roof over my head & also the busiest woman I have ever met. She lives her life in a different way to anyone I’ve known, and I’m not sure I’d like to do it, but she’s remarkable. A very fast paced, honest, firm but fair and caring person. I feel women like her should be the type we look up to & one day what she does as a mum and as working person will be easier without stigma. She does have a lot of help from the most AMAZING people, but she’s so on top of things its crazy. As for me this, is something I sometimes struggle with unknowingly until it’s too late. I have something called dyspraxia & dyslexia with a touch of ADHD, but on reflection if she can do her high demanding job and manage to sort out 3 Children under the age of 14 then I can get better with time management etc.
So one of the reasons I get to be writing this scab is because this woman had the brilliant idea of a trade-off: Free London accommodation in a safe family home and in return I get her kids up and ready for school and I come home at 8 o’clock every Monday-Thursday to put them to bed.
To some people this would be a nightmare, others it would be a walk in the park. And tbh I know I’m nowhere near feeling it’s a nightmare but it’s certainly no walk in the park.
But without this woman’s idea I would not be able to attend SCA because as we all know London is silly money. My parents are not able to help me even though they wish they could, life just hasn’t made it that way. And there isn’t student finance available for this course (yes it blows my mind too, shall we start a petition and send it to the government?)
Her aim is to get more women to London, you know, diversity and all that whilst also getting help herself. So although I got a scholarship for the course, I was still stuck for rent, travel & food. Rent is ticked now. Just travel and food left to tick off of the list. Which is why I have written this for my scab in the hope that people read this, pick up on the idea in the name of diversity and do something, anything. Help people whilst helping yourself, it’s a great trade.
It’s going to be a challenging road ahead, some of you who have kids and understand what this entails will probably think I’m crazy to do this whilst going to School full time and trying to pave my way into Advertising. When looking back at my time in university to now I can see the mega change in myself and the improvement I’ve made in terms of managing my struggles. And I know that this year I will fail a lot but I think we all know that failing isn’t always bad as long as we learn from it.
I’m determined and I’m also just glad to be here.