If term 1 Gwen, term 2 Gwen and term 3 Gwen walked into bar… and were to be interviewed by Dave… this is somewhat how it would go. 

What are you drinking? 

Term 1 Gwen: Water is fine. I’m not really drinking at the moment. 

Term 2 Gwen: straight vodka, with a side of tequila please.

Term 3 Gwen: Iwow thsse 12.5% most wanted wyne cans really go down eesy. 

How are you finding life at SCA? 

Term 1 Gwen: I mean… online life just doesn’t hit the same, I wish I could be with everyone in the studio in Brixton. 

Term 2 Gwen: AGHHHH, I hate the studio. I hate people. My three hour commute is long. Everyone is stressed. Everyone is loud. I need peace. I need to focus. I need sleep.

Term 3 Gwen: Am stressed. Life is in shambles. Sunshine is here. Agency days are nice. I’ve found a partner. I can sleep on Dave’s sofa. Things could be better. Things could be worse. 

What do u think of your partner, Euan?

Term 1 Gwen: Euan, who?

Term 2 Gwen: He seems pretty chill, maybe we can partner up next term. 

Term 3 Gwen: Is he chewing? I can hear him chewing. Why is it so loud? Why are you chewing so fucking loud? Oh he stopped chewing. Now here comes the ummm. He has a thought. here it comes. Oh no never mind he forgot the thought.  Ok, ok, he’s thinking. Spit it out..  ok great now he forgot where he was taking that thought. 3 hours later… and there it is. That could have been said in one sentence but hey it was a great thought.

If you ran into Marc in a dark alley what would you do?

Term 1 Gwen: Tell him you like his yoga pants. 

Term 2 Gwen: *dazed and confused, haven’t slept it days* “Santa? Is that you?”

Term 3 Gwen: continue to yell stranger danger even after the police have turned up, then go back home and write a scab about it. 

*Marc if you’re reading this, I still like your yoga pants* 

How’s the work life balance?

Term 1 Gwen: I don’t know what all the alumni was on about, I’m pretty relaxed. 

Term 2 Gwen: I haven’t interacted with other humans on the outside or seen daylight in about two months. 

Term 3 Gwen: I see Dave. I see Euan. I see Stan the dog, I see Rob and get free pizza. that’s about it.

What do you think of the workload?

Term 1 Gwen: This ’Name your Agency’ brief is really stressing me out. 

Term 2 Gwen: HAHA HA HA, remember when we had to name the agency and I was stressed about it? that’s funny. 

Did I mention haven’t slept in three days?

Term 3 Gwen: I feel weirdly calm but am absolutely shitting myself at the exact same time. What is happening.

Who ate the trek bars?

Term 1 Gwen: it was definitely Dave. 

Term 2 Gwen: it wasn’t Dave…

Term 3 Gwen: ha ha, who would have thought. 

What would you do differently?

Term 1 Gwen: Enjoy the process of fucking up when it doesn’t really matter. Stop trying to make clever work for the sake of being clever, and have more fun with it. Enjoy the days off. 

Term 2 Gwen: Don’t put so much pressure on D&AD. Go on more book crits. Put more time into book. 

Term 3 Gwen: To be announced…

And on that note, I’ll end the conversation here.

Until next time,

Gwen-Jani x 3 

@gwenvaneck_