Have a baby, change the world. (Or what to do when the unexpected happens.)

I felt-like-a-baby-myself years old when I found out I was pregnant. It was by far the scariest moment of my life. You know that bit in films where the background zooms away from the character? That’s exactly what it felt like – the world disappeared from under my feet. 

This feeling did not go away for about 4 months. When it eventually did, I was able to breathe for a second. Only a second of course, before realising that in another 5 months, I would have to push the bloody grown baby out. Fear immediately returned (obviously).

Bloody parenting. Bloody everyone-thinking-they-know-anything-about-bloody-parenting.

Do this, NO do that. You’ll kill your baby if you feed it too often It’ll die if you don’t feed it all the time. Dummies are the work of the devil (they’re not by the way, they are the work of a saint). Plastic will kill him, so will germs. Not enough germs, too many germs, a normal amount of germs, etc, etc…

And yet, as scary as it all was, it was also the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was lucky – I know that now – as when he appeared into the world it all became clear and simple and easy. Everything else around us was whirling and mad – but us? Nah, we were ok. In fact, we were fucking amazing.  

And you know what? We made it. All that fear I felt had a purpose. Until then, I had been very lonely – I was running and working and living at 100 miles per hour, incapable of sitting still with myself or anybody else for that matter. He slowed me down, anchored me. Showed me that I was more than enough. 

So maybe – maybe – when what may feel like the most unexpected, the scariest thing in the world happens: embrace it. Go for it. Because it just might be the thing that finally frees you.


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