How to write a hot blog post – By @MadStandish
By Maddy Standish
How to write a hot blog post
I didn’t know what to write my SCAB on because I feel like sometimes I’m just too reflective, you know what I mean? I understand that’s the point but I’m just not really in the mood to share how D&AD’s going, my fear of failure or the existential dread that keeps me up at night.
I’ve decided to Google ‘Top Things to Blog About’ instead and blast through a couple of those suggestions.
How To Guides – Quite self-explanatory. I’ll stick with something simple I know well which everyone can follow.
How to Pet a Dog:
- Select dog
- Grab dog as it runs away
- Flatten palm
- Press down with hand using slight pressure (about the weight of a large avocado)
- Stroke from nose to end of tail
Top Tip: Avoid going against the grain if you enjoy having fingers
Recipes – Easy. I’ll share one of my brother’s.
Jordan’s 3-Ingredient Brownies:
- Brownie mix
- Lick batter off spoon
- Put in dish
- Put dish in oven
- Realise oven’s not turned on
- Turn on oven
- Fuck it up
- Eat the rest of the batter
Interviews – I will be doing an exclusive interview with a TV legend, Flame from (Season 1 of) Gladiators. Lesser known for her later work of being my mother.
ME: What is for dinner?
FLAME: Philly cheesesteaks.
ME: What inspired you to make this?
FLAME: Leftover beef from Sunday Roast.
ME: Interesting. Would you say you are thrifty?
ME: Who is your favourite child?
FLAME: Do I say you?
ME: You can say who you want, I am an unbiased reporter.
ME: Rude. No wonder you were kicked off Gladiators.
FLAME: I don’t think this interview is going well. Did you prep any of these questions?
ME: Why did you quit Gladiators?
FLAME: I am not allowed to say. I signed an NDA.
ME: That’s possibly the most exciting thing I’ve ever heard you say.
FLAME: This is boring. I’m going to go put the bread in the oven.
Personal Stories – Psssh. Fine.
Today I went to a book crit with my partner Joe. We made a bet on who would say the most embarrassing thing first. Based off our previous crits, we say some weird stuff. He drones on, repeats himself and progressively gets more awkward with whatever he’s explaining. I lose my filter when nervous.
About 10 minutes in, I said, “I often think about food when sexing”.
The context is irrelevant.
Safe to say, I won.
Product Reviews – I will be reviewing my socks. I am required, by law, to disclose if I have received this product for free or if it is paid.
It is neither.
Mens Pringle Cotton Socks in Black
Like the colour. Slip down a bit sometimes. I reckon they’re just a bit too big and it isn’t an indication of poor quality. They take a very long time to develop holes. Overall, they’re fine.
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The copy scores 85.2 in the Flesch Reading Ease test