I don’t have a clue what I am doing

By Ashley Bibby
I’ll be honest and say I do not have a clue what I am doing, but the strangest part is I am not worried, I am excited.
As humans we seem to avoid something if we don’t know how to do it, we get stuck in dull routines, always visiting the same places doing the same things, we have no curiosity to do new things just because we don’t want to look stupid. We even spend our young lives being graded on how clueless we aren’t, and the time when you do admit to someone that you don’t have a clue what you are doing, you may as well sit in a corner and put your dunce hat on, you idiot.
They always say the best way to overcome cluelessness is to admit that you are clueless, okay, maybe they don’t but still the shoe fits. If you don’t put yourself in situations where you don’t know what you are doing you will never learn anything new.
A few months ago I had the next couple years of my advertising life all planned out. I will enter the SCA scholarship, if I win, great I’ll defer for a year so I can spend some time getting better, fail no worries as I wasn’t going this year anyway. Then in my year off I’ll apply for some placements at some northern agencies & studios then apply for education the year after. Sorted.
Not long after it dawned on me that I would put my life on hold for a year all because I was worried about being clueless, going to SCA and not knowing how to draw 4 lines around a sheet of paper, coming up with god awful ideas because I don’t have a clue what I am doing, being an art director that doesn’t know how to art or direct. I realised that if I continued with this afraid mindset not only would I be useless at SCA but useless at advertising. Thankfully I changed my mind, shared my masturbating habits and luckily won the opportunity to write this scab.
So here I am in under a month clueless, moving out of the comfort of my parents rent free home, to a city that I could count on one hand (even after a few unsuccessful attempts at 5 finger fillet) the amount of times I have visited and going to a school that I haven’t even stepped foot in before. But I am excited not scared as I have the opportunity to experience and learn a whole bunch of new things. Who knows I still might fail and be as useless as I predicted, but I know I would have experienced and enjoyed my time more than if I had avoided being clueless.

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