By Laurens Grainger

Ideas for improving easter eggs

• Fill them with caramel.
• Fill them with ice cream.
• Make a savoury alternative.  Preferably with bacon bits mixed in with the choccy.
• Make them foldable so you can fit them in your pocket.
• Use technology from that awful film Flubber, so they bounce when you drop them.
• Add clear cutting points to show how you can share them into equal amounts.
• Use fingerprint technology to make sure that only the owner can eat his or her egg.
• Use FaceSwap so that your egg has your face printed on it.
• Create the eggs out of jigsaw shaped chocolate pieces.
• Give people chocolate Lego so they can build their own.
• Make them easy to break in half and put them back together, so you can hide presents inside.
• Make a Mr Potato Head version. A Chocolate egg with arms and legs. Definitely don’t make it out of potato.
• Hide Easter Eggs in supermarket stores.  Preferably the potato section.  Preferably the red rooster potato section.
• The Easter Egg Challenge.  See how long you can hold it in your hands before it melts.
• Put a real chick in there.  Let the chocolate incubate them.
• Put Easter Eggs on foxes.  The Easter Egg fox hunt. Make the Tories happy.
• Do a ‘Gilbert’ sponsored version.  Paint it white so it looks like a rugby ball.
• Add a dipping sauce in pack.  Chocolate egg with a white chocolate dipping sauce? Yes, please. Thank you.
• Make them shaped like an egg within an ovary.  Use it for sex education.
• Make it more circular so you can split it in two halves that you and your spouse can then wear as beanie hats.
• Add in that annoying thing they have in singing birthday cards, so that when you open up the egg Jesus teaches you all about Easter.
• Fill them with helium, so when someone opens up the pack, the egg floats to the top of the room. Therefore, only tall people can reach and eat them.
• Add more layers of packaging.  Once you get one layer of foil off the egg, you see another, then another, then another, until you are left with the smallest egg in the world.  This would be the Weightwatchers egg.
• Make them out of Haribo Tangfastics rather than chocolate.
• Make them free for all.
• The Simon (P)Egg.
• Send people to jail if they don’t laugh at egg puns on easter weekend.
• Fill them with sleeping pills so you don’t have to listen to your boring family speak.
• Turn them into Google Cardboard type things.  If you don’t complete the VR game before the chocolate melts, you have failed.
• Add tv remote hacking technology on the egg.  When people press different sides of the egg, it corresponds to a different button on the control. you now have control of the room, and nobody knows.
• The Magic 8 ball easter egg.  Any question you ask it comes back with ‘Eat more chocolate.’
• Hide cigarettes in there.  So when it looks like your eating the egg, you’re actually smoking the good stuff.
• Make it dog-friendly, so when your dog inevitably eats all your eggs you don’t get scared that he might die.
• Make anything but enormous eggs illegal.  Set Seb Thomas’ head as the standard size for eggs, cause he has a massive noggin.
• Make them all fair trade.
• Replace them with Easter Legs.  Make everyone wear chocolate trousers and leggings for the day.
• Create russian roulette eggs.  You don’t know which one you’re gonna get.  If you buy a bad one, you get shot in the face.
• Make them more colourful.  Why does chocolate have to be brown?
• Create a ceramic outer shell to the chocolate.  When you open up the top of the egg and put in a bit of milk and hot water, you get hot chocolate.
• Create a chocolate version of the Metro on Easter Sunday.
• Let people create anonymous eggs to send around the world with their secrets hidden inside.
• Turn Easter Eggs into a symbol for second chances.  Brand them as a peace offering after falling out with someone.
• Use foil on outside of eggs to contact aliens. Once they respond, invite the aliens in for chocolate. Watch the film Aliens with the aliens. Eat some roast dinner with the aliens.  Argue with the aliens that roast potatoes is better than Smash. Kick the aliens out of the house for turning violent in their defending of Smash. Race after the aliens and apologise for falling out. Hug it out. Wave goodbye to the aliens.