By Gigi Rice

 

My monkey doesn’t skateboard 

I’m not getting on the skateboard. Would you like me to make that a little bit clearer for you? 

 

Gigi. Will. Not. Be. Getting. On. The. Skateboard. 

 

Comprende? 

 

Fantastic. 

 

Marc, I totally understand what the whole spiel thing is with the board. And I’ll give you the credit ‘cause it is indeed a lovely idea. However, I believe that predominantly, it is at its strongest when purely metaphorical. There are several reasons for this but a rather large one is that it’s dangerous (would have loved to use some swear words here) and giving amateurs a skateboard is just asking for trouble. 

 

Max must be on the verge of having a pacemaker. I know I am. 

 

It has turned the early-morning studio into a place of fear and unpredictability. 

 

There have been multitudes of falls already and people saying they’re fine because they don’t want to look like they’ve hurt themselves. It’s a bit embarrassing to cry in front of people you only just met. 

 

The problem with the skateboard analogy is that this is real life. 

 

One bad fall can mean the world. 

 

Our health and lives are not just yours to play God with in your little advertising bubble world. 

 

You are not God. You are, in your own words a “fat, balding jew”, which is lovely and I personally wouldn’t call you fat, just slightly frontally rotund-  but it isn’t all seeing and all knowing. 

 

Do you realise how much strain and financial cost would be forced upon our already over-stretched NHS if 40 SCA students turned up? There could be brain injuries, head injuries (very serious), stitches needed, broken bones and smashed teeth (I have had an awful lot of orthodontics already and if any of Dr Fiona Ryans’ hard work was ruined, it’s you who will be footing the bill). 

 

When you announced exactly what the skateboard would be used for. I felt a collective sigh of frustration emerge from many of the women in the room. You boys already have your fantasy football league, and now you have a skateboard too. Although anyone can join and get on either, it is still definitely male oriented. It is an undeniable fact that there is a much higher chance of the boys in the room having prior skateboard experience than the girls. Therefore we have a higher chance of being hurt. Bit gender biased isn’t it? The gender ratio at SCA is 50/50 so please bear that in mind. 

 

I am happy to extract the deep lessons from the skateboard analogy, such as emulation, originality and practice (hard work beats talent). But I’m not getting on it. I have no desire to get injured or bum lick you. 

 

Those were my Tuesday thoughts. 

 

On Wednesday, I met Ben the Buddhist. 

 

Ben told me about how our brain works. There is a small 3 percent of our brain that is the “human” and the human is about logic, rationality. It is comparable in many ways to that of a computer system. The vast majority of the rest of our brain is all about emotion. 

 

The Monkey. 

 

The dominant Monkey. 

 

And friends, some days my monkey is as small as a Capuchin in Battersea Park Zoo. 

 

And on others it’s an alpha gorilla charging through the Ugandan jungle with an AK 47. 

 

It’s rare though. 

 

I find it mostly happens when I’m watching my boyfriend play rugby. 

And when Marc Lewis tells me to get on a skateboard. 

 

I raised this with Ben. His answer was that my monkey is huge when I’m in protection mode. But it is my monkey. 

 

I argued the idea that it was my human because logic and rationality tell me that I can get hurt so the smart, calculated thing to do is not engage, but apparently it really is my monkey. 

 

If we can disengage from our monkey and recognise it, we can move forwards. 

Even if in little baby steps. 

 

Ben told me to get on the skateboard on the grass so it couldn’t roll from underneath me. I kind of can’t disagree with that because I’m not a total pansy. 

 

I’m now having a right chuckle at the start of this SCAB. Hahahaha. Wow, my monkey has a raging fire of defiance. Hilarious. I love it. 

 

So next week I’ll stand on the board on the grass. It’s a step. 

 

As much as it pains me to my core to admit- 

 

Marc 1 : Gigi 0 

P.S. Marc you are one very lucky man to have Ben. Otherwise you would have had an utter coup on your hands, led by the gorilla in yours truly.