By Alfie Souter

Old friends and new habits.

Last Friday I had some good friends of mine round to my house. I think they fall into the category of old friends now. Two of them I have known since I was 5, another since I was 16 and the other for 5 years. These guys know me well. 

And it was great to see them. I was surprised to hear they were reading my SCABs nosy bastards, I assumed no one gave a flying fluck (trying to refrain from swearing in these). They said my comedy was “decent mate”, which essentially means it was and Oscar worthy performance. They were surprised at my openness though one of them commented it was good I was being open with my emotions. People have commented that I seem like a different person in my SCABs but to be fair if I was like this all the time I would be a bit much I think — a self righteous Buddhist monk constantly reflecting on himself. Not really an enjoyable presence to be around. 

I feel like seeing my friends made me think about how we had all grown up, turning up to a ‘free house’ in smart business attire watching Bob Ross instead of the generic cartoons or Peep show. Though some of the antics remained the same. My friend Jake gave a water jug to another drunk person, with no glass, which resulted into it smashing onto the floor. That brought me to reality with a crash. 

I look back on it now at the people in that room. And it makes me think how good I am at writing apologies. I feel like I can almost do anything with the level or apology I can produce now. That sounds boastful, it’s not something to be proud of. Instead it’s embracing getting good at something you should be doing rarely isn’t a triumph. But I thought the other day that we probably aren’t very good friends yet if I haven’t sent you a lengthly apology letter about something I have done. In some relationships I feel like I apologise all the time. This is mainly due to me just not thinking about that person or their feelings. I would like to think this isn’t done in a malicious way. Apparently it’s something dyslexics do, misreading situations. Or maybe I can blame it on my Meyers briggs ENTJ personality type again apparently that type struggles with empathy. There’s not an excuse for it really I just don’t take into account other peoples feelings enough.

I guess it’s because I am lazy. It is easier to not consider other people, it makes doing what you want to do easier. But it’s also I just expect people to react to things the same way I do. A girl said to me recently she felt I was just treating her like one of the lads. I guess I was, I don’t adjust the way I act person to person enough. For some reason I have mental block about being any less ‘me’. Alex M was pretty useful in this its not sacrificing myself its just having more a filter so other people feel more comfortable and I get along with them better. I have gone over the word count, been a while since I’ve done a properly ramble SCAB like this. But then again if everyone listens to mumble rap these days I don’t see the difference. Actually heres a couple, this makes vague sense and isn’t on a shit backing track. Fuck you mumble rap, fuck you.