Recovered Audio Clips From “This is Me” – By @ClancyForrest

By Forrest Clancy


Recovered Audio Clips From “This is Me”

“OK people, let me just say this once. Waving at the camera is not a funny joke.” 


“You there, with the outstretched arm, why don’t you just take that open palm of yours and strike yourself across the face. Better your hand than mine, because if you don’t, I will. Three… two… I’m sorry if you have previous experience with improv. Yes, perhaps it did work once. But in my video it has no place. This is my work, not yours. That’s right, so back the fuck off. Not literally, now you’re out of focus.” 

“I AM chill. He needs to chill.”  

“OK, quiet please. And we are rolling in five… four.. three – Sorry. Was that laughter? Is something funny? Is this funny to you? Do you understand the pressure I am working under? Sorry, cut. Cut that. Somebody get me a cappuccino. I need to take five. Where’s my PA?” 

“Sammy, you’re right, you are a good friend, but you’re a terrible actor and this is something you need to understand in order to be a good friend. Correct again, I am not a good friend. Can we talk about this later? We only have about 10 minutes of daylight left and I need to get that shot of you biting into a steak sandwich.” 

“Have we got any non vegetarians among us? Any?” 

“Katy, telling me you are camera shy is the sort of thing you should have done before I invited you. Yes, that was kind of the whole point. You see now? Yes, I’m making a movie.  OK, now scrape your food back into the serving dishes. None for you.” 

“This way people. This way. DO NOT. START. EATING. I swear to god.” 

“It’s cold? Sorry, who said that?” 

“OK. Take fifteen. Now, before we go. Sammy, just, please, sit right there and do not move. Try to get yourself into character. Lets approach this role as if you were a bench. What does a bench do? That’s right. Stuck to the spot. Been there for years, decades, and not once has it moved. I know you played Joseph in the year 3 Christmas play. I remember. Yup, great. I know, you want to bring something new to this role. I know, it’s been a long day. I know, you’ve done so well and I’ve been a right prick, but for now, all I need you to do is smile.” 

“Cheers everybody. It’s so nice to see you all.” 

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