Reflecting on Term 1 – By @chloecordon
By Chloe Cordon
Reflecting on Term 1
Now we’re back at school, back into the swing of things, it’s much easier to look back and see that starting this term is very different to starting last term.
However, it has a few similarities. I’m entering this year, as I did SCA, with goals at the front of my mind. I’m both nervous and excited for what’s around the corner. I’m ready to knuckle down and do some hard work.
But there’s also a huge difference. I feel a lot more pressure to achieve my goals. Goals are so much more real now, but also a lot more achievable. What at the beginning of the year were targets that I felt detached from, I now feel the pressure of constantly. I mess up one day and I realise how much of an opportunity I’ve wasted. Don’t email one great mentor: that’s a great bit of advice you just didn’t get. Don’t write SMPs in my spare time: that’s a great campaign you just lost from your book.
Upon reflection I’ve noticed my goals are different only in that they are higher. Instead of do something weekly, it’s daily. My definition of hard work has changed, as has my view of myself. I’m producing work I never expected I could, and have learned so much about myself that I feel so sure of what I want. That makes my goals even clearer to me, and easier to work towards.
The nerves I feel now are different too. At the beginning of SCA I’d just quit a job, moved across the country to a city where I knew no-one, and was about to meet a whole new group of people, one of whom I would leave with in a partnership. I was nervous about how to pay for everything, cope with moving, make new friends. Now I’m nervous because I know this term is going to be hard, hard work, and I’m scared that what I produce won’t live up to the standards I’ve set for myself. But I’m even more excited, because I know how much I enjoy that hard work, and school has instilled a belief in me that I can achieve whatever I want if I just put the effort in.
The most important thing I’ve realised about the changes that have happened over the last few months came out by accident. I was speaking to a mentor and he asked how much we thought we’d learnt last term. Without thinking I answered, but what I said gave way to a lot of thinking. I told him that I’d learned more than I ever could have imagined to learn in that space of time, but by learning it, I realised I knew nothing. All of a sudden I knew more, but also less. It’s a bit of a mind bender. I learned that there was more out there to learn than I expected, and it’s been humbling. But God, isn’t it exciting? There’s going to be so many more lightbulb moments, so many more phone calls home to tell friends about this amazing thing I heard or read, so much more technology to discover, skills and techniques to master, people to meet, things to think about, to learn about, to understand. I can’t wait. Not knowing is way more exciting than knowing. Good job there’s so much out there.