Susan’s Fourth SCAB – @susanmcfadzean

By Susan Mcfadzean



So finally, I came home. Exactly one year has passed in London, and rapidly at that. Still, my parents were beginning to question if I had forgotten my roots. Thing was though, I was just so busy all-the-freaking-time that I either relished a day off in London or literally caught up with laundry, cleaned the house and got an early night. Booking flights to Glasgow and considering a bus, train and ferry to get back to my island was never on the agenda. 
But like many of us, I handed in my notice, to my one of my jobs at least, to allow me some time to get mentally prepared. Hence the current visit home. 
It feels a little strange. But it’s also super lovely.  I have a kettle. The fridge is brimming with fresh ingredients ready to whipped up into something which I actually have all the utensils necessary to do so. The shower has alllll the shampoos and scrubs and masks I missed – I’ve been coming out wrinkly and showering twice a day. It is also so quiet. Laying in bed the silence can almost be deafening, that is until it’s broken by the rain on the velux window or the wind through the trees. I went for an hours walk yesterday and I didn’t pass one person. Funny. 
Not so funny however, was Monday morning at 8.30am as our deadline approached and my upload was moving at a snails pace. Slower actually. At times not moving at all. I was pushing the time frame, but I knew I wouldn’t make the 9am cut off. Sucking up my frustration I submitted a work-in-progress. 
Fine. Niether of the clips are outrageously different, I feel one slightly more entertaining. Rather, the importance for me was not too be late. I never pushed deadlines throughout my university years. And blaming the fact I was home on some ridiculous small, remote island with seriously inadequate wifi was no excuse. Why not preempt this and submit at an early date is exactly what I would tell the next person. It wouldn’t fly in the real world so why try it with Marc. But as much as I hate myself for it, I couldn’t help but justify. Type type type, deeeeeeeeelete and again type type type. 
And worse. Once submitted I lacked the feeling of accomplishment that usually precedes a submission. Unable to shake the nagging, 24 hours later after many re starts, the ‘complete’ (I say complete in a very loose sense) video was up and I forwarded it to Marc. So he has both. I understand absolutely if he chooses to screen the initial submission. Either way I am happy to endure the suspense until Tuesday. 
Lesson learnt: don’t ever, ever, ever trust remote wifi again.
And an update on the last blog post: I got my wage rise. Small, but as Tesco says, Every little helps! And it’s an incentive too, I need to make sure I’m on point. On point with everything this year actually. 
See you all Tuesday

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