By Dean Shein 

 

 

I FAILED SCA

 

 

I failed SCA. 

 

It’s not really a pass fail course. But I failed it.

 

I FAILED SCA. I FAILED SCA. I FAILED SCA. I FAILED SCA. I FAILED SCA.

 

Why did I fail?

 

•     I rarely checked the calendar. 
•     I was extremely unorganised.
•     I didn’t manage my time at all.
•     I was late a lot.
•     I rarely used the schools printer to hold my own ads.
•     I never handed my book for book inspection. Not even once.
•     I rarely took notes that were actually filed away.
•     I rarely emailed to say thank you after inspiring talks.
•     I barely made any topicals. 
•     I never updated notes of the year.
•     I never practised the 20 minute briefs or the creative tecniques.
•     I never crafted my own ideas.
•     I refused to learn photoshop.

 

 

HOW FUCKING DISGRACEFUL.

 

How could someone so inspired by what they had learnt simultaneously waste so many opportunities?

 

I didn’t surrender to Marc’s system. I thought I could get away, again, with how I’ve always done things. I’m so ashamed that even though I was in the most inspiring atmosphere, a place where I finally felt at home, I still behaved this way. SCA spoon feeds you, but ultimately its still up to you!

 

In term 1, I said I’d get serious in the second half. In the second half I thought, I’ll make Term 2 my term. But I was working with someone I couldn’t say no to. Midway through term 2 I thought, we’re only halfway, there’s so much time to give it everything. By term 3, I was already fading away. The damage was becoming almost unrepairable. But if I wanted it bad, I could have still turned it around… Then the partner of my dreams left me. It was my fault for not producing. I mentally check out. It wasn’t till working on my scholarship video’s that I properly felt that spark again. That feeling of running around like I knew all the hidden secrets of how the world worked. The rush.

 

But the worst part has been my time off. I’ve not optimised the time at all. I’ve had spiralling unproductive days. It’s not been good for my mind at all. I’ve never wanted to start something so much in my life. 

 

This August has been a total downward spiral for my headspace. I’ve also not been able to run since April when I damaged a nerve under my foot. I’ve only swam a bit. I’ve had too much time to do things again and failed miserably. Even after the joy of receiving a bonus scholarship. 

 

HOW FUCKING SAD.

 

What I’m learning is that there isn’t even time to dwell… at all. 

Soon we’ll be swept up in the current again.

 

I need to channel the lows of this negative period and my first year at school, and let it fuel me even more from day one, when I begin on September 16.

 

More than anything I just want to find a partner. I’ve been disillusioned for so long. When asking others what they think I did wrong during my first year of SCA, the answer, by all has been the same.

 

“DEAN, YOU FAILED TO PRODUCE ANY WORK FOR THE IDEAS YOU GENERATED.”

 

Last year I had what Marc called ‘Flashes of brilliance’.

 

This year it’s about daily consistency.

 

This is the formula to succeed. 

 

I need to be fucking organised from day one. This means I need to manage my time and not let it manage me.

 

I’ll keep a diary.

 

I’ll be able come in everyday and be settled. 

 

I’ll plan my day out as my Dad has begged me to for so long.

 

Then I’ll be make great work… and not have to pull all nighters. I’ll be able to be productive in the sacrifices I make so that there’s still time to go dot collecting. 

 

I’LL THINK BY DOING.

 

If I can do this, who knows how far I’ll leap. 

 

This is my shot at redemption.

 

Last year a mentor asked me what I’m going to differently this time.

 

Here’s my answer.

 

I’M GOING TO WIN A FUCKING BLACK PENCIL….

 

I’m going to prove everyone wrong…

 

And prove Marc & Myself right.