The Art of the Fart – By @twylaliden

By Twyla Lidén


The Art of the Fart


I poke my nose and eat the boogers.
So do you.
Some people say that they don’t, and that’s just not true.

I lift my left butt cheek when I fart.
To keep it discreet is actually an art.
The only way you’ll notice is my tiny tiny tilt to the side at the start.

I know there’s a thing called the three-second rule.
The one the other kids teach you at primary school.
”As long as you don’t leave your dropped food on the ground for more than three seconds at a time, your food is perfectly fine.”
I’ve never understood that one.
The thought of throwing food away just isn’t fun.
So what if it’s spent some time on the ground.
The best cupcake I ever had was one outside of a club that I found.

I eat with my hands every chance that I get.
Even when my ex-boyfriend’s parents and I first met.
We had a lovely evening and the food was nice.
Although I would recommend using utensils when eating rice.

We lasted about two weeks more.
He just couldn’t handle the eating with my hands and picking food up off the floor.

Life goes on and I’m still a nose picking, farting, floor food eating lady. Things that you do too, just not when anyone can see.

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