Time off means time to collect dots. And I found a gold mine whilst at home for Christmas – my Dads post-punk alternative record collection. He has been building it up for years housing an impressive 1,022 records. 

Whilst my interest doesn’t normally go beyond the artwork on the front covers, this year I noticed all the weird band and album names. So now that I have collected the dots lets connect them! I have written some short stories, poems and haikus. I have put the dots in bold so they are easy to see.

Short Stories:

The voice of Harold whispered in a mechanical nuns ear “love runs through your elbow”. 

In a momentary acceptance of the self, she grabbed her pig bag and ran downstairs to see the salad undressed in her kitchen of distinction

Peasants, pigs and astronauts band together to fight boiled sweets that cut their mouths. They decided that If you want to defeat your enemies sing his songs. So they hosted a distraction concert so sour it made the mighty lemon drop cry aggressively to the sound of one man clapping.

A mother is stressing over her fat lads’ exam failure. He tried his hardest but all the words looked like revolting codes. He blobbed over the chair for 3 hours wondering what does anything mean? Basically, he was fucked. He can’t sit exams but he could bribe his mum into forgiveness with some new fast automatic daffodils and giraffe breast for dinner.


Ultra vivid scene

Your gay bikers on acid 

Give em enough rope

The power of lard

Petrol emotions racing 

For Jeff’s big problem


The soup dragons sipped

As dazzle ships drip

Pop will eat itself

If Bog shed’s on the shelf

Quick do a Muscalinni head kick 

Before the Half man half biscuit is licked

I am johns pancreas 

The breeders are gaseous

The emergency third rail power trips

As the Panties please guy sniffs

PS. Thanks dad for the dots and letting me rummage around. I know you were very confused. 

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