The Watford Creative Test – By HUSH, The SCA Intake of 2018/19
By HUSH – The SCA Intake of 2018/19
The Watford Creative Test
SCA is good and stuff, but who knows what doors would have opened if we’d gone to the far superior Watford instead. To see if we’d have made the cut, let’s try answering the first task on the Watford Creative Test:
‘Write a poem about broccoli’
How the Broccolus got its I
’Twas the night of the great blue bigamole moon
Which serenely glid crost the great blackberry stume
And in the shade of the billagong tree
There dwelt a creature, big as three.
’Twas great and green, one shade monotonous
And slumbered smook in pure unconsciousness
‘Twould have outflomped any hippopotamus
And the night did christen it: The Broccolus.
Now, Mercury and Jupey, Veenie and Neptuney
Were all gathered, most streemely collect
In one straight line the dardark intersect
And pointed with their foursome beams
At The Broccolus one mystic sheen.
Some said ’twas God
Some said ney! ’twas the double-gilled cod
Some said ’twas blithey likely it was Rob
Some even said ’twas their owngrown gobs.
But no patter whomstever did it,
The Broccolus stirred, and then saw fit,
To separate self from world
And a nascent awareness slow unfurled
Into a stumptuous vegetable consciousness.
And this is why
Became a Broccoli.
Add broccoli, and stockoli,
And now season propoli,
Then liberally on topoli,
Please add Stilton slopoli,
Consume it non-stopoli,
Use bread like a mopoli,
Then sit back all cockili,
You just made a soup, Ollie.
They call me broccoli
Kids think i’m a mockery
‘I hug trees
between my teeth.’ lol i ain’t got time for this.
– said the vegan
Suck my Coccoli
There was once a stem of broccoli
Who felt like his life was a mockery
Of trees and leaves,
He provided the greens
For kids and adults, properly.
I once bought a broccoli
I stabbed it
Tis my creative journey
*Broccoli raised to cover face. spotlight out*
Coco: broccoli. The bartering tool of kids
I just ate broccoli for dinner
It was a winner
It’s going to make me thinner
Last week playing football I scored a shinner
Your girlfriends a twat mate, bin her
I saw her
playing with a fidget spinner
She’s a bigger mess than Heinrich Himmler
One day broccoli,
The next white, tasteless and dry
Has a urology monopoly.
A novelty, an oddity.
My pee smells like
Your mans dem.
Joe R – Broccoli, a haiku
Clogged my bloody sink,
A green sea anemone,
Aldi veg is shit.
Power broccoli: For and against
The third president of the US may well have been its first broccoli enthusiast.
He imported seeds from Italy to plant on his estate at Monticello in 1767.
George H W Bush
The elder Bush, the 41st US president, was fiercely anti-broccoli, banning it from Airforce One. “I do not like broccoli,” he said in 1990, “and I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid… I’m the President of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.”
Hillary Clinton and Tipper Gore
The wives of the future president and vice-president headed a “Let’s put broccoli in the White House again” campaign in 1992.
The former prime minister and bunga–bunga enthusiast is one of several broccoli fans in Italian politics.
George W Bush
Gave a “thumbs down” to the broccoli of President Vicente Fox during a presidential visit to Mexico in 2001.
Barack & Michelle Obama
The president said this week that broccoli is his favourite food. Earlier this year, the First Lady revealed that the Obamas are a “broccoli household”.