SCABs

The Watford Creative Test – By HUSH, The SCA Intake of 2018/19

By HUSH – The SCA Intake of 2018/19

 

The Watford Creative Test

 

SCA is good and stuff, but who knows what doors would have opened if we’d gone to the far superior Watford instead. To see if we’d have made the cut, let’s try answering the first task on the Watford Creative Test:

 

‘Write a poem about broccoli’

 

How the Broccolus got its I

 

’Twas the night of the great blue bigamole moon

Which serenely glid crost the great blackberry stume

And in the shade of the billagong tree

There dwelt a creature, big as three.

 

’Twas great and green, one shade monotonous

And slumbered smook in pure unconsciousness

‘Twould have outflomped any hippopotamus

And the night did christen it: The Broccolus.

 

Now, Mercury and Jupey, Veenie and Neptuney

Were all gathered, most streemely collect

In one straight line the dardark intersect

And pointed with their foursome beams

At The Broccolus one mystic sheen.

 

Some said ’twas God

Some said ney! ’twas the double-gilled cod

Some said ’twas blithey likely it was Rob

Some even said ’twas their owngrown gobs.

 

But no patter whomstever did it,

The Broccolus stirred, and then saw fit,

To separate self from world

And a nascent awareness slow unfurled

Into a stumptuous vegetable consciousness.

 

And this is why

The Broccolus

Became a Broccoli.

 

Andy

 

‘Broccoli Soup’


Add broccoli, and stockoli,

And now season propoli,

Then liberally on topoli,

Please add Stilton slopoli,

Consume it non-stopoli,

Use bread like a mopoli,

Then sit back all cockili,

You just made a soup, Ollie.

 

Lauren:

They call me broccoli

Kids think i’m a mockery

 

Saphire:

‘I hug trees

between my teeth.’ lol i ain’t got time for this.

– said the vegan

 

Forrest:

Broccoli,

Watford,

Suck my Coccoli

 

Holly:

There was once a stem of broccoli

Who felt like his life was a mockery

Of trees and leaves,

He provided the greens

For kids and adults, properly.

 

Mary:

*spotlight up*

I once bought a broccoli

I stabbed it

Photographed it

Tis my creative journey

*Broccoli raised to cover face. spotlight out*

 

Coco: broccoli. The bartering tool of kids

 

Dan:

I just ate broccoli for dinner

It was a winner

It’s going to make me thinner

Last week playing football I scored a shinner

Your girlfriends a twat mate, bin her

I saw her

playing with a fidget spinner

She’s a bigger mess than Heinrich Himmler

 

Charles:

 

Lol  

 

Vic:

One day broccoli,

The next white, tasteless and dry

It’s cauliflower

 

Ruby

Broccoli, probably,

Has a urology monopoly.

Mockingly crotchety;

A novelty, an oddity.

My pee smells like

Your mans dem.

 

Joe R – Broccoli, a haiku

 

Clogged my bloody sink,

A green sea anemone,

Aldi veg is shit.

 

Karolina:

 

Power broccoli: For and against

 

Thomas Jefferson

The third president of the US may well have been its first broccoli enthusiast.

He imported seeds from Italy to plant on his estate at Monticello in 1767.

George H W Bush

The elder Bush, the 41st US president, was fiercely anti-broccoli, banning it from Airforce One. “I do not like broccoli,” he said in 1990, “and I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid… I’m the President of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.”

Hillary Clinton and Tipper Gore

The wives of the future president and vice-president headed a “Let’s put broccoli in the White House again” campaign in 1992.

Silvio Berlusconi

The former prime minister and bungabunga enthusiast is one of several broccoli fans in Italian politics.

George W Bush

Gave a “thumbs down” to the broccoli of President Vicente Fox during a presidential visit to Mexico in 2001.

Barack & Michelle Obama

The president said this week that broccoli is his favourite food. Earlier this year, the First Lady revealed that the Obamas are a “broccoli household”.

Proudly copied.

 

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