By Max Lom-Bor

Time off is a lot worse than time on

Time off is a lot worse than time on. A day feels like a century when your in the mental abyss of ‘time-off’. In the 72 hours since leaving for Christmas my mind has decided to halt all attempts at lateral thought. The synapses in my brain feel clogged with lard. I am lethargic, floating, often confused, and am achieving astonishingly little suddenly.

The terms ‘holiday’ and ‘break’ now make me anxious. I definitely need to be busy. I am craving people and tasks more than ever before. SCA has made me yearn for greatness, and has made work my driving force in life. Somehow, and I really don’t know how, I have become one of those ‘motivated’ dudes. That’s not to say I come bouncing in every morning, but it does mean that I prefer to be doing than chilling. 

This is my biggest learning from this year, I needed a gap in the routine to realise it.

This holiday feels like a lull, but not a clinical one. I want to do stuff, there’s so much in my head, but I don’t know where to begin. The brain is a muscle that HAS to be exercised. Or it collapses, like a fatty taking on a casual jog. 

I could feel this change happening this term, and it’s because I’m doing something I love everyday. I just didn’t realise I wanted to stay in that bubble, because when it bursts, 24 days is extremely difficult to deal with, it feels like walking on uneven ground. 

Who fancies an analogy? (Basically I worked out by this point in most SCAB’s people have made their point and proceed to compare that point to something else in life). 

SCA is like a turbulent flight. Up and down, cramped, fucking irritating at times, quite nerve racking, but your almost always going to land on the other side safely. You are always travelling in the same direction, and so is everyone around you. 

I reckon time-off is like waiting in the airport. Numb, useless, going into shops with no intention of buying anything but still buying crap. Waiting, counting minutes, scanning inanely, social media.

I cannot wait to for the flight to arrive.