By Katie Burrell

Toilet-Time 

Don’t deny it, I know you like to look at your phone while you sit on your porcelain throne. It’s a moment of peace, time to reflect, a chance to expand your knowledge. I’ve decided that instead of scrolling, I want to do some actual page turning while going about my business on the toilet. Does anyone have any recommendations? 

I used to have a couple of favourite toilet reads when I was younger. ‘Space Facts’ – a pocket sized book packed full of amazing…well, facts about space. Another of my favourites was my ladybird ‘Florence Nightingale’ book. I would read it front to back, back to front, over and over. I’m not sure why. It was soothing I guess. Both of these books were small in size, easy to hold, light. Reading on the toilet made the very mundane, necessary, bodily function of doing a poo a bit more interesting. It helped to pass the time, so to speak. 

I have to admit, I am excited by a bathroom that has its own mini library. I’ve been thinking about what kind of books make for great reading, especially when you’re spending a good amount of time easing out a sturdy number two. Comedy is the perfect genre for toilet pursuits. I started reading Stephen Fry, ‘The Hippopotamus’ – that was a good crack for the comfort station. Also ‘The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole’ by Sue Townsend – lots of laugh out loud moments. A book I’d really like to read is is ‘Diary of a Nobody’ by George and Weedon Grossmith – it’s supposed to be really entertaining, perfect for the longer lavatory session. 

Picture books can also do the trick. ‘Dogs Hanging Out of Windows’ is an intriguing prospect. Also any of the ‘Where’s Wally’ collection would do nicely. There’s a recommended ‘toilet book’ in an article on the ‘Soakology’ website (‘Our Top 8 Most Gripping Toilet Reads’) called ‘A Pig With Six Legs and Other Clouds,’ from The Cloud Appreciation Society. Yes. That’s an actual thing. It features lots of photographs of clouds that look like something else. I think this could be a contender. 

I’ve seen some great toilets. I found myself in Melinda Messenger’s bathroom once – how I got there is a story for another time – but she has a great loo. It was very kitsch. Another stand out was the toilet that had concert tickets plastered all of over its walls. There was something relaxing about reading those. Why not layer your bathroom with memories and enjoy looking back at them every time you have to go! I’ve seen newspaper articles, postcards, inspirational quotes, family photos with accompanying scrapbook style commentary, all adorning toilet walls. Every one of those toilets also had a plethora of books to choose from – I was absolutely spoiled for toilet-time entertainment. 

So I’ve decided that I’m going to create my very own mini toilet library. Think about it…if we figured out how much time we spend on the bog each day we might be swayed into transforming our toilet-time into more of an occasion. Whether it’s a book of crosswords, photography, something factual or a novel that gets you chuckling, I encourage you to explore and discover some toilet literature for yourself. 

So. Back to my earlier question. Does anyone have any recommendations?