Valentines ads from BOAT

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Here’s a group SCAB on Valentine’s just for you!

Andreas I

We know, we know,

You planned to buy one long ago,

You don’t need to explain yourself to us,

We’re here to save the day with minimal fuss,

So please feel free to peel off a card,

And make sure the big day is not marred,

Because you’re forgetful when you’re hungry,

You absent-minded lovesick dummy.

More info about billboard here.

Archie M

I am so tired.

I count ads, not sheep.

There are a million-one ways to tackle a brief.

Which is your favourite?

The ad-men-sheep bleat.

I love most: the ones that I see in my sleep.

Ben E

Durex a Haiku.

Torn, broken, cleft, split.

Who knows how much this will cost.

Poor Daddy’s mistake.

Charlie S

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sack off the manual,

Let me assemble with you.

Cam C

Our love is endless

Each kiss and look of desire a grain of sand on our beach, 

We you lie naked with me. 

Camille H

I got broken up with once, it sucked for a few weeks, was lonely for a while – felt like the log lady from Twin Peaks. 

Luckily I had Virgin Mobile – the broadband that works, it’s got brilliant servers and lots of consumer perks!

 It would have made it even easier if it could grow arms from data and hold me, but it basically did that anyway because it gave me a month free.

 Bed was an issue though, virgin couldn’t satisfy my need but atleast with this superfast broadband I could download erotic fiction to read.

Cat B

Roses are red

Butter is slippy

Use for lube

If you fancy a quickie

Chip M

You went looking for
A wife who looked at billboards

You found this haiku


Sour turns to sweet when enemies meet,

They let hatred go, where gold arches glow,

The king’s butterfly wings flutter 

as his clown crawls out the gutter, 

Collecting ketchup kinks

And tingly drinks

The share French fry kisses, 

They won’t tell their mrs’ 

Fast food chains and whips,

drip in bbq dips,

When their passions in thrall, 

Love conquers all.

Duncan C

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Here’s a free cot

You’ll wish you withdrew

Ed R


Fine pine

I whine

Scratch me

Catch me

Splinter and crack me

Let me cast off my aversions

Subvert my introversion

And ride you like a person

Oh I must

But in my lust I’ll rush and bust and gush

And oh that hush is much too much


I’ll stand here

Still so far while being so near

Back to back with that fair, pine chair

Whose love lies elsewhere

Egan C

Another heart shaped ad, 

Hope it’s not driving you mad!

Liz E

My poetrys bad

This ad is worse

Horny cutlery

Doesn’t belong in a verse

Ellie K

You smell so sweet,

Like a room diffuser,

Now here’s an ad,

For stain remover.

Hailee L

Every killer has a best primary schoolmate

For every window there is a crane in sight,

Every pedal flaunting then decay

For every lonely person, 

a BIG MAC makes you happier 

Holly K

I am a sausage

And you are the bread

I’ll live in your crack

Until I am dead

Jess R

My plea

Is for someone


spoon me

Khadija A

covered in the remnants of your kiss

sealed in protection

laced in affection

your tongue

my lips

our bliss

Klaudia M

Love me cheap

Like you never before

Love me cheap

So there’s always more

Kat L

The gorilla is happy,

Now you are too.

Laura H

Tesco re-imagines 

vegetable potential,

encouraging chefs to 

get experimental.

Louise A

They can be heard in kitchens, dining rooms and hallways.

They’re happy to see the end of you, always.

Wrap your legs around theirs 𐆑 they’re durable and sturdy.

And the cover is easy to take off, so make it dirty.

Solid wood and extra padding, waiting on all fours.

So it starts, a symphony of scraping against floors.

Change positions, seats and colours with ease.

Instructions included but you can do it any way you please.

Magda B

I roach you this poem

To wish that you find love

That just like a cockroach

Will always rise above

Nina S

Help the aged everyone,

I feel sad looking at this,

I wish there was more we could do,

What can we do?

Obinna I

Love is like jam

adding a bit of flavor

To the dryness of the everyday

Love is like jam

Looks a bit weird

But if you can ignore that

Its well worth the risk

Love is like jam

It comes in different shapes and sizes

In different jars and prices

Everyone hoping for their prizes

Love is like jam

A formless substance

Bending to the will of the user

Spread it how you will

Its up to you how you use it

Odysseus M

No likey, no lighty.

Sam P 

Love at first sight is a feeling like nothing before, but I wouldn’t know because I’m lonely and poor.

Terry E

Hearts beat scarily

Feel Power of Playstation

Then minds beaten scared

Toni C


Cupid’s arrow shot to stop 

The turning wheel of love.

Now this love is here to stay.

And so I’ve made it true,

That true love never gets away.

Yem A 

All lock down love stories feature Netflix

Our slender bodies delicately entwined on my coach 

We watched the screen but read each other 

After my full moon manifestations our spirits met 

A sweet collaboration of souls 

Now separated 

Subconsciously I dream of continuing my favourite series

Related SCABs

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