It’s April, and gone are the days of Benevolent Marc. He has been replaced with Savage Marc, who has recently reintroduced The Late Dance. The clue is in the name: if you’re late to anything, you are sentenced to a solo dance in front of everyone, to an embarrassing song of his choice. Punctuality has never been so critical. So here a few suggestions of how to spend those pesky five-minute breaks between classes, from the last person you would ever ask.

If you’re feeling productive

Bore a mentor about something you’re working on.

Catch whoever’s just spoken if they’re in the room. It’s what you know about who you know.

Write one SMP.

Read over the notes you just took. And admire your doodles.

Think up SCABs.

Read a book. Doesn’t have to be about advertising to qualify as productive. That is the beauty of this industry.

Ask that person whose work you admire to partner up sometime.

If you’re feeling sociable

Chat with whoever’s next to you. Ask them how they are. Smile knowingly when they say nothing and a single tear slides down their cheek.

Have a staring competition. Really channel that inner child. Demand a rematch until you win, but if you don’t, just remember: next time.

Compliment someone on their work or outfit. Flattery will get you everywhere.

Reply to a text from someone outside SCA, if you have any non-SCA friends left.

If you’re hungry or thirsty

Have a snack. Coming up with ideas – even shit ones – burns lots of calories.

Wander around Pop and torture yourself with the delicious aromas. That’s the smell of something you can’t afford.

Refill your water bottle. Get in the queue for the cooler and scream internally as water drips into bottles the size of chihuahua swimming pools. A break well spent.

If you’re stressed

Have a power nap. You’re unlikely to feel refreshed in this time, but you are likely to be judged – maybe try to find somewhere private. Only really an option for narcoleptics.

Meditate. Find somewhere quiet. Reset. Feel better than everyone else.

Have a panicked chat with your partner about how nothing you do is ever enough. Cry together.

Stroke Pip, or any other animal available at that time who consents to your grubby mitts.

Make a cup of tea. Fixes. Everything. 

If you need an adrenaline rush

Go to the toilet. Risk varies depending on whether it’s a number 1 or 2, the state of the toilet and the size of the queue (an actual toilet visit is not guaranteed, but I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether you’d prefer to dance in front of everyone or shit yourself).

Run to get a coffee. You might just make it back in time. And God will you feel alive if you do.

Go get a beer. If it’s not yet 5 o’clock in Brixton, just remind yourself that somewhere in the world, it is. It’s NOT alcoholism.

Smoke a quick fag. Refreshes the parts London pollution can’t reach.

@jess__saunders