SCABs

21 Year-Old Girl For Sale – By @MadStandish

By Maddy Standish

 

21 Year-Old Girl For Sale

Hello, everyone. You all know why you’re here, so we’ll skip to the chase. Our latest offering is a total catch. Not one to miss. Hotter than the middle-of-Lidl on a Wednesday.

This one’s fresh on the scene. We’ve been holding onto her for around 9 months to get the required work done; MOTs and all that. It’s with great pleasure that she goes out onto the market today. We know that the right buyer will come along and snap her up.

It comes with some flaws, as all our pieces do. In the interest of honesty – and our no-returns policy – we like to ensure that you’re fully aware of what your purchase entails. 

She comes with slight mental damage. Nothing too serious as she’s undergone multiple refurbishments and is on a long-term service plan. Can be quite noisy. Nothing out of the ordinary, however, motor noises, beeps, whistles, misheard lyrics, movie quotes. That sort of stuff. We suggest headphones. Can be confusing to get the hang of at first. Some stutters and stalling when at full speed. 

She’s also not the youngest model you could buy and certainly not the sexiest. Similarly, she’s not a classic. What she lacks in features and experience, she makes up for in charm. Probably.

Why should you buy her?

You’ll be kept on your toes (perfect for older, wiser gentlemen). You’ll always get more than you asked for, be it ideas, conversation or personal information. It won’t be boring – it may be frustrating but this is entirely different. She’ll say the unexpected, whether that’s a good thing or something you wish you’d now never heard. She is too cool but also gives many shits about everything (this is a very attractive combo, she claims). You’ll have fun.

Is she the best model? Probably not. 

Is she the fastest? You’ll always get there on time.

Is she the smoothest, suavest ride? It’ll be bumpy, for sure.

Is there anything else like it out there? Not a chance.

She’s always revved and ready. She’ll take potholes and bumps in the road like a true champion.

We can’t promise what your experience will be like exactly but we can promise, if you take her for a test drive you won’t forget it. See what she can do. You’ll be surprised or it won’t be for you. And that’s okay, too. The purpose of test drives is to see if you’re the perfect match. 

See her potential and take good care of her and you’ll be rewarded for years to come. You’ll certainly never regret your decision. 

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