A mild state of panic – By @MattJDKennedy

Matthew Kennedy

By Matthew Kennedy


A mild state of panic

Over the last week I’ve experienced panic, with our confidence taking a not so healthy knock. 10 weeks and counting and our book still gets destroyed. 10 weeks and counting and we still get a bollocking. We get new targets set, but we already had targets? More systems added, but we already had systems? At points it literally seems giving your best just isn’t enough. 
Poor old me right? What a rough deal? No, I’m incredibly lucky and fortunate to be doing this, as a sterling talk from Peter Souter reminded us.  And also incredibly lucky that the big dogs of the agency world are willing to give time to crit our book, even if it is hard to take at times.
But with all this happening and the pressure of needing a paid position in 10 weeks time, rather than motivate me, this week it’s been killing me. 
Normally I turn pressure into motivation. But for some reason the last few weeks, an unhealthy worry has taken over. And even though I know it’s totally unproductive, I can’t stop it. 
I’m working on it, taking some time off tonight, and as always the voice of reason in my life (take a bow becs) puts everything in perspective.  Without her I wouldn’t being doing this nor would I be surviving it. In fact she deserves much more than a mention in a loosely crafted Scab. But for now it’s all I can afford, sorry lav…
Whilst I sit in a tranced state of mild panic, I ask how her day was. Turns out it was just another day in trying to ensure creativity is pushed throughout the curriculum at school.  She is fighting for it everyday. To help educate our future leaders and pioneers. And she doesn’t look for praise. She doesn’t enter awards. She doesn’t keep going on about it. She isn’t being told to do it.  She just does it.  OK some times she does cry and that sends me into much deeper panic as the caveman in me runs at the sight of tears but generally she is very level headed. And she is just one (well I don’t think she is actually but I’m biased!) of thousands of teachers, nurses, doctors etc etc etc.
As legend Stu Othwaite told us in his recent masterclass…we aren’t making parachutes. And on reflection I think it’s probably one of the most important things not to loose sight of in the run up to portfolio day as the pressure starts to build. Sure all the stuff about working your tits off and being nice is important, but arguably we are already doing that. But getting caught up in what we are doing. In the bubble. Happens so easily and often. And it’s dangerous. So note to self. To take a step back and chill out.  
Although sorry Laurens by Sunday I’m sure to be totally unchilled again, as I trust you will be.
Oh well, it was worth a try. 
Ps. Did I mention Peter Souter kissed my shoe today? Them tatty orange new balance and all! 

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