By Scarlet Pughe

Britain’s Best Bog

Dover. Famous for its spectacular white cliffs, its Norman castle and as the UK exit point for countless holidaymakers en route to Europe. When choosing which scholarship brief to complete, ‘Hometown Heroes’ instantly sparked my interest. Why? I’ve lived in the same area for 21 years and this was a perfect opportunity to make an impact before I moved away. 

I researched some of the problems that Dover currently faces, and came across an article stating that in a recent poll, Dover was voted ‘the worst place to live in England’ and is now labelled, ‘The Arsehole of Britain’,… a proud moment for me and any Dovarian. 

So if Dover is the shittest place to live, I wanted to make it the best place to shit. 

I started by looking up the best public toilets in Britain; Worcester and Edinburgh took first places with menial scores of 6.7/10. I knew Dover could do better than that, but I needed to see what I was dealing with, so first I paid a visit to Dover’s public toilet. When I could smell it before I could see it, I knew I was in for a challenge but none the less I saw potential. 

I called a friend to ask if she would help me film the video and at first the idea of spending all day in a public toilet didn’t appeal, but apparently watching me clean a stranger’s poo off the wall was an opportunity she could not surpass.  

A few days later I set to work, meticulously cleaning, removing every black curled pubic hair from the toilet rims and scrubbing at years’ worth of accidental drippage in the vicinity of the toilet bowl. Eight hours later, I was Dover’s first public toilet attendant offering hand towels and mints to all users. The once rancid aroma had disappeared, replaced with the scent of Jo Malone’s ‘Pomegranate Noir’. 

Once the work was done it was time to raise the awareness of Dover’s residents and all its visitors. I asked any toilet user to share their experience with friends, I registered the toilet with trip advisor as a must see attraction and I even created its own website, stating opening times and its location. A week later I was so happy to hear I had been shortlisted for the SCA scholarship!

Recently I received an email from Diederik Smet Of Destination Dover, informing me they had come across my video on YouTube. Somewhat surprisingly, he and his team loved the idea of making the public toilet an attraction and wanted me to pursue this project further, even offering to financially support it! Although flattered that they’d enjoyed my video, I found it somewhat disconcerting. Could this really be a major part of Dover Tourism’s radical new drive to get holidaymakers flooding back?  Dover’s problem was evidently more severe than I thought! However, I will definitely be meeting up with them to discuss the future plans of other local toilets. 

Dover, famous for its beautiful white cliffs, its port, its castle and now famous for its public lavatory (soon to be lavatories).