Chomper Chopper – By @iroxdesign

Chomper Chopper

Definition of a “Chomper Chopper”, completely fictitious creature made up for a brief called ‘The Great Creator’. It bears an uncanny resemblance to a Crocodile, its tail is a giant pair of scissors and its mouth gapes wide open while it collects and devours the hair it has cut. I really needed one of those…badly, as I’m sure most of us living alone have during this strange period.

I’ve always had long naturally wavy hair, love it being so long. Keeps me warm in the winter and it’s actually the only style that seems to suit me. Once I finished High School I made the hideous mistake of asking my hairdressers to do the famous ‘Rachel’ style from the TV Series “Friends”. My hair wasn’t naturally designed for such a popular hair style, so my hair ‘boinged’ into a weird shape that almost lifted completely off my head – as you can well imagine, that short hair cut was not a success! 

The last time I had my hair trimmed was a couple of weeks before last Christmas, with the full intention of having another trim come about April this year. Of course in a desperate attempt to avoid going out there to catch Covid, then dying of said virus, I didn’t get around to that all important trim. So like Rapunzel I grew my locks in the hope that when a vaccine made an appearance I’d be able to finally head to the hairdressers for a well deserved trim. 

So while I waited it out and grew my hair ever longer everything seemed fine, until about the last couple of weeks. It finally got to that point I dreaded it getting to. It was splitting badly and it was getting trapped in doors, completely ridiculous. Usually when I have left it that long, which is rare, it always signifies it needs massively chopping no questions asked. Even my mum at one point was instructing me on how to cut my hair by myself!

Well finally today, after my shower, I took mum’s advice. I got some stationery scissors…no those won’t do they’re too small. Found the massive oversized scissors in the kitchen drawer that are supposedly used for cutting vegetables – they came with a set of kitchen knives, so one can only assume. I did as my mum had instructed me to do weeks ago, first parting my hair from the back and putting both sides over my shoulders. Combed thoroughly then got to chopping in a straight line across my front. I took nearly four inches off, I know madness right……how could I have let it grow that long?! 

I managed to get my camera phone to get a back view glimpse of my new supposed hairdo through the mirror. It went into a weird interesting graduated point towards the middle. Well, at least it looks somewhat symmetrical even if a little weird!

So that, ladies and gentlemen, is my first foray into personal hairdressing! That being said I do fondly remember completely chopping off a Doll’s hair, to the point of baldness, on camera for a Masters student about 15 years ago. Was never fond of Dolls anyway, creepy things!

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