first impressions

New experiences can create a whirlwind of emotions.

Nervous, excited, freaked or delighted- 

our tummies roll like the oceans.

Initially I had a leering feeling of ‘what did I get myself into’. Marc’s humorous and blatantly honest introduction almost had me questioning whether I was mentally cut out for a course as hard as this one. When I initially applied, I knew this was a challenge. I mean, have you read the SCA website’s home page? It literally outlines the kind of BS experience you expect from a classic university course- (but this isn’t a traditional course, genuinely says don’t apply if you’re looking to faff about. so don’t, this man means business. literally). So of course I wasn’t surprised to shoot down my anxiety as I remembered that the most important thing was to trust myself and my decision to be here.

Matt Follows says: “Power lies in your decisions”. 

I find extreme comfort in that. Only one class with this guy and I’m pretty sure I shared his wisdom with my parents with almost 85% accuracy to his exact words- that’s how much I resonated with his lesson. I’m already a mindfulness, zen-mode, mental-health-comes-first junkie. Matt flipped the table on me and not one ounce of me fell off. 

Matt’s words remind me that it was me who decided to apply to SCA, and it was me who decided to accept the offer, knowing fully well how hard the course was.

I think the fear and the danger that lies behind multiple consecutive mistakes is what is pushing me forward, to accept the fear and allow myself to be driven by it rather than have it consume me. However, like everyone else, this covid-ridden year has encouraged some extremely unnerving events to occur that possibly would not have occurred at all had this year been as “regular” as any other (whatever “regular” means). 

With this in mind, I think the events of this past year have fittingly prepared me for the SCA experience and it’s incoming impact. Before I had even started the prep for SCA, the universe most likely thought that I needed a character correction. It threw me multiple curveballs that hit me in the face but I still threw them in a wood chipper. Years ago I wouldn’t have even considered that an option. I’d have allowed myself to be walked all over due to a lack of my own self respect and confidence.

This timely reflection is really compatible with the classes and the awareness this school is surrounding itself with. I’m excited to see how resilient I can get. I’m excited to learn more. I’m excited to do something hard, to work hard, to fail and fail. I’m excited for those really special wins. 

Some classic words of wisdom from Matt Follows:

“Creativity is a lottery on a cattle farm, in order to win you need to pump out lots of shit in order to find the diamond”

Diamonds only form under pressure *wink*