Follow Through? – By @hollygordonn
By Holly Gordon
I have an issue with follow through. I hate to admit this because it means having to face the reality that I struggle to complete something. Its falls across a lot of things, tv shows, eating healthy, exercise, urgent things and most importantly, anything academic. However, I know exactly why I am so bad at it and it started when I was younger.
When I was diagnosed with Dyslexia (woe is me) my family bought a shit ton of books so they could understand how my 7 year old brain worked and why it was different to all the other 7 years old in my class. I’m aware this is very nice thing to do and I am very lucky to have a supportive family who would do things like this. However, the help I got sort of developed a side symptom where I was so nervous to make a mistake that I wouldn’t finish something because I didn’t want to fail. (Which means I fail anyways, ugh)
A few years later, when I was old enough to grasp the idea that I had a learning disability, I went to wikipedia (as any curious person does) for answers. I found out people with dyslexia are born with receptors further apart in the brain. So chemical reactions that send messages have further to travel and a lot of the time dont reach the other side (short term memory thing). This is funnily enough, how most of my work goes. I don’t follow through because a lot of what I’m thinking gets lost and I don’t know how to sort it out. For example, I always say I can’t write essays. Which actually means, I’m too scared to write essays because there is too much information and I can’t get the right words to explain my point of even form a sentence. Also I’m worried its not going to be good enough first time. I think this crosses over into perfectionism as well but its mostly because working with words is very daunting. If you need glasses, imagine having to walk around without them and everything looking blurred. Thats how my brain feels when I have to write essays, all blurry.
So as we have had to write these SCABs I have got about 5 or 6 unfinished ones because I can’t seem to get the write words to explain what I am trying to say. I have a book review, a film review, some thoughts on work environment, some facts about me and this one. (So I’m actually attempting to finish this one on the tube as I go meet a friend).
I’m hoping that I will find a way to get over this brain block (ha idk what else to call it) but I am fully aware it comes with time and constant practise. And and I out of practise. So we have try get into some good habits? Well I’ll try to get into the habit of finishing something no matter how bad I think it is or how much I don’t think I can do it. I mean, I finished this? Sort of?